


High and Dry

by rankwriter



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 03:57:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/657790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rankwriter/pseuds/rankwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Well over a year ago I wrote a prompt on the spnkink_meme. It wasn't taken up so I thought I’d have a crack at it. I’m not going to link to it as the prompt gives away the whole story.</p>
<p><b>Summary: </b>Jensen and Jared are childhood sweethearts who get separated when Jensen is found to be a breeder. He is taken to one of the notorious academies to learn to fulfill his obligations. This is his journey. </p>
<p>There have been many stories written in this trope and this is my take on it. </p>
<p><b>Pairings: </b>Jared/Jensen, Jeff/Jensen, Misha/OMC</p>
<p><b>Warnings: </b>Non con, dub con, all sorts of consent issues and major character death. </p>
<p><b>Wordcount:</b> 33k</p>
<p>Beta’d by the incomparable and wonderful Alibye</p>
    </blockquote>





	High and Dry

**Author's Note:**

> Well over a year ago I wrote a prompt on the spnkink_meme. It wasn't taken up so I thought I’d have a crack at it. I’m not going to link to it as the prompt gives away the whole story.
> 
> **Summary:** Jensen and Jared are childhood sweethearts who get separated when Jensen is found to be a breeder. He is taken to one of the notorious academies to learn to fulfill his obligations. This is his journey. 
> 
> There have been many stories written in this trope and this is my take on it. 
> 
> **Pairings:** Jared/Jensen, Jeff/Jensen, Misha/OMC
> 
> **Warnings:** Non con, dub con, all sorts of consent issues and major character death. 
> 
> **Wordcount:** 33k
> 
> Beta’d by the incomparable and wonderful Alibye

"Man that test sucked" Jared said wrapping his arm round his boyfriend’s shoulder.

 

“Ah you know you always ace those things dude” Jensen responded stuffing his notes into his backpack, then looking up into Jared’s hazel eyes, somedays Jensen felt like the luckiest boy in the world.  Seventeen years old and he already had his life planned out.  He wanted to finish high-school, win that scholarship for Stanford and get an apartment with Jared.  Jared, his big, beautiful boyfriend who was all tall and broad, with sparkling eyes, and dimples that showed when he smiled, and he smiled a lot.  

 

“Boys there you are” called Mrs MacGuire “I’ve been looking for you, get yourselves over to the med centre for your fertility tests”

 

“Damn it” Jared said, “I wanted to go home and make out with my boyfriend”

 

Jensen punched him on his shoulder ‘hold that thought’ he said as he dragged him down the corridor.  There was a short queue outside the med centre, boys only of course. The fertility tests had been introduced ten years ago to counteract falling birth rates. 

 

The government were to blame, everyone knew but couldn’t do anything about it. They had started interfering in fertility over fifty years ago. Firstly sterilizing those with mental or physical disabilities and then criminals. Eventually political objectors found themselves sterilized. Until birth rates fell to a dangerous level. Miraculously it was around that time that a genetic mutation was discovered that gave boys the ability to carry children. These unlucky boys were obliged to enter training and produce at least 4 offspring before their contracts were terminated and then finally they could carry on with their lives.  Many people whispered that it was again government interference that had caused this mutation but no one could prove it.

 

Regardless, neither Jared or Jensen were unduly worried about the test. After all only 5% of boys were born with the mutation that caused male carriers so the likelihood of either of them having to endure the humiliation of government ‘training’ or the years of procreation that followed were minimal.  Girls were tested much earlier and although they did not have to tolerate the training, or carrier academies they still had to produce at least 4 offspring or give 5 years to their provider.  Times were hard and everyone knew their responsibilities.  

 

Finally it was their turn, they both went into the office together, two nurses were taking the blood tests, then the doctor prodded their abdomens.  And that was it.  The doctor grabbed Jensen’s arm as he was leaving, and said

 

“Results will take about a week”.

 

“OK” Jensen spluttered, what was that all about?  The doctor looked a little sad and that made Jensen’s heart beat a little faster.

 

“Jared, why do you think the doctor said that to me? Do you think I have something to worry about...do you think I’m a carrier, do you think the doctor thinks I am a carrier?”  Jensen spoke so fast his words were running into each other.

 

“Hey, calm down dude, he was just letting us know when to pick up the results, then we’ll know we’re free and clear.  Anyhow, don’t you go worrying, if you end up a carrier then I’ll buy your contract and we’ll marry out of college just like we planned”  Jared smirked!  Damn it if Jared always knew how to make Jensen feel better.  

 

“Let’s get out of here, we’re wasting valuable lip time!”

 

“Yeah come on Gigantor, I wouldn’t want you feeling deprived”

 

 

The next week passes in a flurry of lessons, tests and kisses.  

 

“I can’t wait for you to turn 18 man, I so want to make love to you” Jensen said as they parted one evening, both painfully hard and wanting.

 

Even though they are both 17 and their bodies want to take things further Jensen was definitely in no hurry to consummate their relationship.  The government was very strict on the age of consent,18 and there are hefty penalties for breaking the law. No one wants to end up in sexual re education classes.  The public service adverts alone are enough to ensure teen abstinence. 

 

“Oh me too” panted Jared, “less than a month and we’ll both be legal, damn there’s dad”  he smooched his boyfriend one last time “see you tomorrow”

 

“love you asshole”

 

 

First period the next day a messenger entered the classroom and spoke quietly to the teacher.  Jensen was searching through his bag for his spare pen when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  

 

“Jensen you need to go to the office” said Mr Brown. There was a look in his eye that Jen couldn’t identify, it made him feel uneasy as he gathered his stuff and with a backward glance at Jared headed for the office.

 

His stomach was doing all sorts of unpleasant acrobatics as he waited in the foyer.  The secretary barely gave him a glance as she said the principal would be with him shortly.  Eventually he was motioned into the office where he found the principal talking to two official looking men.  His heart fell, he knew what was coming next.  These were officials from the Department of Reproductive Enforcement, DRE, he was a carrier, he could feel tears welling in his eyes, his life as he knew it was over, all his plans, all his hopes were for nothing, he was just a damned incubator.  Fighting his emotion, straightening his spine, he walked into the room.

 

xxx

 

Waking up his first morning in the academy sucked.  Jensen had got hardly any sleep at all, his mind was all over the place.  He hadn’t been allowed to say goodbye to Jared or even his parents, the two officers from DRE had swept him along in their maelstrom of officiousness, completing form after form, each one removing a little bit more of Jensen’s freedom until he belonged solely to the state.

 

Once the paperwork was complete Jensen was taken to the Department’s vehicle and put in the back.  He wasn’t surprised to see that there were no handles on the inside of the doors.  Jensen observed Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee, as he had named the officers, one was tall and gangly, his movements uncoordinated. The other shorter, stockier and the more talkative of the two. Neither of them bothered to address Jensen, it was as though he had ceased to exist.  Jensen wondered abstractly, whether the rumors were true. That the abstraction officers dispatched by the DRE to pick up carriers were eunuchs.  

 

He surreptitiously eyed the pair.  What little he knew about eunuchs he had gleaned from his history lessons and he seemed to recall that eunuchs tended to be castrated young, before puberty and thus maintained their youthful appearance.  If these two men were indeed eunuchs, he decided, then they had definitely been castrated much later in life.  Tweedle Dum had a beard for goodness sake, patchy, but definitely a beard.  By keeping his mind on his two captors he hoped to keep it off his future, but unfortunately reality started creeping in.  If the DRE would castrate two healthy men just to ensure the virtue of the carriers then what was instore for Jensen.  God, this was too much to take in.  

 

By the time they arrived at the academy Jensen was a bag of nerves, Tweedle Dee opened the car door and took Jensen by the arm, firmly, as if afraid Jensen may make a run for it.  The Academy was located in a large, imposing building, the building itself was old and had obviously had many previous identities.  Jensen suspected that at least one of those was as a mental asylum.  It had that look about it, bleak and dripping with lost hope. Everything was grey and flat and didn’t that just match Jensen’s mood.  He was guided up the steps through the huge oak door into the reception area.  A plain, bored looking woman glanced up then, disregarding Jensen, she smiled at Tweedle Dum.

 

“Hey Steve, long time no see, what do you have for me today, more virgin stock eh?”

 

“Yeah, honey, this one’s mighty pretty, should get a good price, Commissioner Oaten nearly creamed his boxers when he saw this one’s photo, I think he was wishing he had enough in the bank to buy his contract, but look at him, he’s high end goods”

 

What! thought Jensen, what are they talking about, selling me like a slave, it’s not like that is it?  Panic surged through him and his knees gave way and he would have ended up on the floor if Tweedle Dee hadn’t had such a firm grip on him.  

 

“I’m pretty sure Oaten is going to want to be in on his training” Tweedle Dum, Steve, Jensen corrected himself, continued, winking at the receptionist.  “at least that way he gets a free taster, so to speak”. He laughed cruelly and Jensen decided then and there that he would rather die.  There was no way he was going to survive the ‘training’.  At least if he was dead Jared could move on, by the sounds of it even if he survived training then he would be damaged goods and would Jared still want him then?  He had three years of training to endure, and to an eighteen year old that was a lifetime. Jensen found himself gasping for air and as the edges of his vision started to go dark he felt Tweedle Dee help him to a chair.

 

“Shut up Steve you’re frightening the boy” he stroked Jensen’s arm “come on Ackles it’s not that bad, think of the good you’re doing for society, and at the end of it the state will give you a nice bursary and you’ll live comfortably for the rest of your life, plus you’ll have the knowledge that you made a difference”

 

Jensen would have laughed but the officer seemed to believe the state’s propaganda implicitly. Well he would have to wouldn’t he, after all he’d let them take his testicles!  

 

xxx

 

Looking up at the ceiling of his small room, well cell really, Jensen thought of how the day had just deteriorated further from there.  The little pep talk from Tweedle Dee hadn’t made Jensen feel any better, in fact all that state rhetoric just made Jensen want to defect and live his life out somewhere where personal freedom was honored. Canada had closed it’s borders over the carrier laws and Jensen had seen pictures of Vancouver Island on the internet often thinking that looked like a good place to live.  Who’d of thought that Canada would end up the Land of the Free.  If only he knew then what he knew now he would have made a run for it, rumor has it that if a carrier made it to the border they were allowed asylum.  Canada valued their carriers and allowed them the same choices as any other citizen.  While Jensen was trying to get a grasp on his emotions a hefty woman dressed in a nurses outfit entered and asked Jensen to accompany her.  He considered refusing but the guards lurking by the doorway looked humorless and Jensen thought better of making waves on his first day.  She led him to an office, as drably decorated as the rest of the building. The furniture comprised a small, battered desk that had seen better days, an examining table with a small, tatty privacy screen and a couple of mismatched chairs.  

 

“Get undressed and pop that gown on Dear, the Doctor will be with you in a mo”.

 

Eyes skittering around the room nervously Jensen approached the screen, nipped behind it and with shaky fingers started removing his clothes.  The temperature of the room was just the wrong side of comfortable and Jensen shivered as he disrobed.  Once naked he put the gown on, it did nothing to protect his modesty, it was indecently short and the back was open displaying his ass for all to see.   Trying to grasp the edges of the gown together Jensen leant against the examination couch and awaited the Doctor.  

 

“Once you’re undressed Dear, get yourself up on the couch and lay down on your back, the Doctor will be here any minute and he doesn’t like to be kept waiting”.

 

Scooching himself up onto the table, the gown hiking up, displaying his genitals in an embarrassing manner, Jensen positioned himself on the bed just as the Doctor walked.  He was an older gentleman, he had a bored look on his face as he took the proffered file from the nurse.  

 

“Well Ackles my name is Dr Goodrow and I’ll be looking after your physical health while you are in the care of St Catherine’s Academy of Family and Reproduction.  It’s our job to make you the best carrier possible, make sure you’re healthy: physically, mentally and spiritually, to do the job that God has ordained for you.  

 

We will teach you how to make your contract holder or Provider (as we like to call them) happy and how to care for your offspring, if that’s what your provider wishes. 

 

You will receive advanced sexual education as it is very important that you do everything in your power to satisfy your provider during the time you are with him. I can’t emphasize enough how important this is. Your behavior once you leave here will be a reflection on the Academy and we pride ourselves in the high standard of carriers we produce.  

 

I am going to examine you now, I need to notarize that you are a virgin. If I find that you are not a virgin then you will be farmed out to the institute where you will fulfill short term contracts” Jensen flinched he had heard of such places, of course. They were the horror stories that were told to children to make sure they remained pure. Places where you were restrained and fucked by one man after another until you were pregnant. Ignoring Jensen’s shudder the Doctor continued  “or if the Director wishes you will be offered as an incentive to the soldiers coming back from the wars in the Outlands.  Those soldiers have served the state well and as such they are offered the incentive of spending some time with a carrier.  Of course they all want to impregnate a carrier and if the state is pleased with their war record they might even offer them the carriers contract.  That is not an easy life Jensen, you could end up servicing up to 10 men a day.  If I find that you are not a virgin your contract will not expire after four offspring or five years, your contract will be endless.  Jensen, I hope you are a virgin.”  The Doctor said this in a monotone that suggested it was something oft repeated, however the nasty gleam in his eye conveyed the pleasure he got from scaring the new carriers.

 

“Put your legs in the stirrups and relax”.

 

Jensen’s whole body was in turmoil, adrenaline coursing through it.  There was going to be no relaxing, fight or flight was warring incessantly.  The doctor snapped on a pair of latex gloves and squirted some lubricant onto his fingers and with one hand steadying Jensen’s shaking thigh he placed his finger at Jensen’s entrance.  Nudging at the muscle there he had a difficult time penetrating him.  

 

“Jensen I told you to relax now be a good boy and breathe slowly and relax that muscle and let me in”. 

 

Pressing with more force the muscle finally gave and the Doctor’s finger entered Jensen.  Once inside the doctor felt around inadvertently grazing Jensen’s prostate causing him to yelp, and to his shame made his cock twitch. The medic maneuvering further inwards to check his reproductive organs.  

 

“Hmm all seems to be in order but just one more test” The doctor removed his fingers and then reached for the small metal internal ultrasound probe.  It was phallic shaped larger than a finger but smaller than a penis. The doctor lubed it up and with no ceremony shoved it into Jensen’s anus.  He tilted a screen and watched the images that appeared all the while humming to himself as he made a few notes.

 

“Well Jensen I can see that you have followed the State’s teaching, I am very pleased. You’d be surprised how many young men come in here and have already been defiled.  The life awaiting these boys is not a pleasant one. Right, up you get there’s a uniform on the chair over there, get dressed and we’ll talk”. 

 

xxx

 

Jensen rose and walked to the chair on shaky legs.  Looking at the uniform with undisguised disgust he picked up the trousers, they were made of some sort of scratchy linen material, had a drawstring waist and were of a loose legged style.  Rifling through the pile of clothing and seeing there was no underwear Jensen pulled on the pants.  The shirt was made of a similar material with a placket top. Again it was loose and shapeless and once on fell to his upper thighs.  The final item was a pair of open sandals which he slipped onto his feet.  The clothing was a nondescript color, somewhere between grey and cream, and just added to the institutional feel of the place.  He walked around the curtain to see the Doctor now sitting at the desk, the nurse no longer in the room.  

 

“Sit yourself down” the Doctor said without looking up, finishing up his notes.  With a feeling of resignation Jensen sat down and eventually the Doctor looked up.

 

“Jensen, I know this is all a big change to you and we here at the Institute will do our best to help you adapt.  But adapt you will, there is no choice here, you will obey and if you have any sense you will do it willingly.  If you do not embrace your new role it will be foisted upon you.  Things will go far better for you if you comply, it will save you a lot of pain and unnecessary suffering.  Now I’m going to call one of the boys to come and show you to your room, have a good nights sleep and instruction will start in the morning.”

 

With that dismissal the Doctor pushed a button on the desk and there was a tentative knock on the door. 

 

“Come”.

 

A small boy entered, he was probably Jensen’s age but was at least 4 inches shorter and of slight build, he had dark hair and sparkly, mischievous eyes, he smiled at Jensen as he said.

 

“Good morning Doctor Goodrow”.

 

“Hello there Simon, this is Jensen, show him to his room, number 17, and then give him a tour of the Academy”.

 

“Yes Doctor, come on Jensen”.

 

With a heavy heart Jensen got up and followed the smaller boy.  

 

“Hi Jensen” Simon said once they were outside the office and once more in the corridor.  “I’m Simon, you’re room’s just up these stairs, do you mind if I call you J?” he said as turning right into a narrow stairwell. On the next floor the corridor was peppered with small doors some of which were open displaying small, cell like rooms.  Simon guided him to a room with 17 on the door,

 

“This one’s yours” he said opening the door.  It looked like the others he had passed. The only furniture, a narrow, cot like bed of the old fashioned type with a metal sprung base.  It did not look at all comfortable.  A closet which on opening displayed 3 uniforms hung on wire hangers.  The hangers were the type that  attached to the rail, Jensen wondered why they would do that. Maybe they were afraid that the carriers would do themselves some irretrievable damage with the coat hangers if they were able to remove them.  Mind you Jensen had only been in the establishment for a couple of hours and he was already considering it, so maybe it was a good idea.  There was a small bedside table, Jensen reached and opened the drawer, in it was a shortened version of the bible, Jensen flicked through and the portions within were all pertinent to carriers and their role within society.  

 

“Don’t worry J it’s not too bad here, I’ll set you straight and make sure you don’t make any mistakes”. Simon said kindly.  “Come on let me show you the bathroom.”

 

Leading Jensen down the corridor and into a large communal bathroom.  There were toilet stalls, tubs and showers but no doors on any of the cubicles.

 

“Don’t believe in privacy then” Jensen muttered his sandals slapping on the tiles and he wandered through the large chamber.

 

“Nah, we had doors when I first came here but then they had some problems with a couple of the boys” lowering his voice he whispered “they tried to off themselves and the Academy can’t be having that sort of negative publicity, we’re all supposed to be happy and contented, embracing our important role to society.” he practically snorted the last part of the sentence. “So anyways now we have to bathe and shit together, mind you the teachers say it’s good for us as carriers, apparently we should have no modesty, the potential providers prefer it if we drop trousers with no blushing or embarrassment  so win/win for the academy.” Simon said dryly. 

 

Jensen lurched to one of the doorless stalls and lost his breakfast, there was no way he could do this, he didn’t want another man touching him, he only wanted Jared.  Oh my God Jared, he must be beside himself.  Grabbing some tissue wiping his mouth, he jumped feeling a hand on the back of his neck.

 

“Simon can I make a phonecall.” he asked

 

“No Jensen, I’m sorry, that life is behind you now, you must look to the future.  We aren’t allowed any contact with our family or friends, the Academy think it’s too... distracting.”

 

“You don’t understand I need to speak to my boyfriend, he’s going to be frantic with worry.”

 

“I do understand J I had a girlfriend before all this, I had a life, I know what it’s like to leave everything behind, but we have no choice, I’m sorry, there are no phones in here and I once tried to get a message to my girlfriend via a delivery man, he sold me out to the academy just so he could watch me be punished.”  With that Simon pulled his shirt over his head, showing Jensen his narrow back that was criss-crossed by fine silver scars.  “They used the whip” he said with a shudder. “I know it’s hard J but believe me it’s for the best if you just forget the past and try and live in the present.”

 

“I need to talk to Jared he always makes everything better, I need this Simon.” Jensen pleaded, his voice pitiful, his eyes brimming.  

 

Simon reached out and took him into his arms and held him tightly, Jensen was shivering so hard he was practically vibrating.  His life was over and if he couldn’t talk to Jared it might as well be.  Burrowing his face into Simon’s neck he began to cry for the first time since all this madness began.  

 

Jensen heard squeaky footsteps just before he found himself yanked from Simon’s arms.  A tall well built woman eyed them angrily.

 

“Simon you should know better than this.  No physical contact between carriers.  We must keep you pure and you know touching no matter how innocent leads to more sinister contact.”

 

Simon looked chastised,  “sorry Protector, it’s just that Jensen is upset, it is his first day..”

 

“All the more reason to teach him the rules from the get go” she snarled.  Her grey uniform reflected her dour expression.  “Come on now it’s time for dinner,” and with that she escorted him away from the bathroom, along the corridor and down the stairs.  There was an odor in the air, clearly it was whatever passed for dinner in this place, it didn’t smell particularly appetizing but then Jensen wasn’t particularly hungry.  They came to a large refectory, as institutional in character as the rest of the place, tables arranged in lines filled the room.  The clatter of pots, pans, crockery and cutlery pervaded the air.  It looked and felt so similar to the cafeteria at school that it made Jensen’s heart sink. His need for Jared again at the forefront of his mind, and then he was lost in a mire of hopelessness.  There were various boys in the room, mainly, like Simon, small in stature and definitely on the pretty end of the scale.  There were only two boys that Jensen could see that were as tall as him, one of them may have even been taller.  He was well built for one so young, though not as muscled as Jared, he had light ginger hair and a smattering of freckles covered his pale face.  He caught Jensen’s eye and scowled.

 

“That’s Peter, he’s just three months from graduating, his mood gets worse the closer that gets, just ignore him.  Come on J grab a tray, if we’re not quick we’ll be left with the skag ends.”

 

Following Simon he took his place in the queue.  Simon merrily took a bit of everything, surprisingly the food looked ok, far better than it smelt, but Jensen had no appetite and tried to refuse.  The server looked shocked. 

 

“No J you have to eat, don’t give them any reason to put a black mark against you.” then more quietly “I’ve known them force feed carriers, and that’s something you don’t want to happen.  They need to protect their investment, they can’t have you all scrawny and sickly looking, who’d want to buy your contract then?”

 

“Simon, I’ve been meaning to ask you about all this talk of investments and money, I thought carriers were paired with the best match to help increase population, I didn’t know money changed hands, well apart from the admin fee.”

 

“Shhh, over here” he dragged him to the end of an empty table and continued, “propaganda, they can’t announce on the TV that they’ve basically reintroduced slavery can they?  It’s got nothing to do with the best genetic match anymore, contracts aren’t bought and sold for nominal amounts, it’s all big business.  They put your picture on the ‘net and people bid on you.  That’s why we have so much instruction in pleasing the providers, they don’t want to pay out the big bucks and then end up with a slave that doesn’t know how to please.”

 

Oh my God this is so much worse than he thought.  The slender thread of hope that Jared would be able to buy his contract was now all but gone.  Some old, rich dude would buy him and use him both as a sex toy and an incubator.

 

“I’m sure it’s not all bad there are some stories I’ve heard about carriers and providers falling in love and living happily ever after. It’s either that or hoping that my five years of service pass quickly and I manage to not piss my provider off so I come away with no permanent injury.”  He shrugged. “When I first came here I railed against everything, but it got me nowhere, just made me unhappier, now I try to do well during instruction just to give myself as easy a life as possible and my advice to you is to do the same. Really J I know how you feel but go with the flow, you know that Japanese or was it Chinese saying about the trees bending and not breaking, well use that as your motto.  Remember by the time you’re 26 they have to let you go, come on finish up and I’ll show you what passes for entertainment in this dump.”

 

xx

 

It was coming up for lunchtime and Jensen was supposed to meet him by the science block but he was 15 minutes late, that wasn’t like Jensen, where the hell was he?  Jared got out his cell phone and tried his number but it went straight to answerphone.  What was going on.  Some kids from Jensen’s class walked out of the door and Jared grabbed one of them, 

 

“Hey, you seen Jensen?”

 

“He got sent for during first period, had to go to the Principal’s office, heard a rumor that he was taken away by the DRE, sorry man”

 

Stunned into silence, Jared turned and ran for the administration building not stopping until  he got there, heading on arrival for the Principals office  To his distress he saw Mrs Ackles sitting outside - and she was crying.  Rushing to her, Jared dropped to his knees, 

 

“Mrs Ackles what’s going on?”

 

“They took him, they didn’t even let me say goodbye, they say I can’t see him again for 8 years unless his ‘provider' she spat out that word “let’s me.”

 

Nothing made sense, they had taken Jensen away, it didn’t seem possible, just last night they had lain together on Jared’s bed, lips gently caressing each other, soft touches of love and affection.  And now he was gone, Jared got up and sat on the chair next to Jensen’s Mom, putting his head down on his knees and letting the misery overtake him.  The principal exited his office looking at the couple he walked over and offered them a handful of public education leaflets.  ‘Take Pride You Produced a Carrier’, ‘Carrier Education, Don’t Believe the Nay Sayers’ and ‘Your Responsibilities to The Department of Reproductive Enforcement’.  He looked at Mrs Ackles and said

 

“I know it’s hard, but it’s for the good of the State, and we can’t argue with that. He’ll be well cared for, you just go along home and take care of the rest of your family.  Jared off you go too, don’t let this interruption affect your SAT’s preparation.  By the time you’ve finished college this will be just a bad memory.”

 

Jared couldn’t speak, What the hell was the principal thinking, Jensen was never going to be a bad memory, he was the man Jared loved and he would wait for him, forever if necessary.

 

Donna took Jared’s hand “Come on let’s go home, I have to tell Josh and Mackenzie yet.”

 

Jared let himself be ushered from the premises and off campus, even though the school day hadn’t ended.  

 

That night as he lay in bed his thoughts were with his absent boyfriend, poor Jensen he must be so stressed, he hated change, he always depended on Jared to smooth the way.  Hell they’d been friends since they were little and had done everything together.  Jensen must be so scared and alone.  He couldn’t believe he wouldn’t see Jensen for years, with tears in his eyes he booted up his laptop and started doing research on carriers.  

 

He found the government website, it was full of hype about how well looked after carriers were, pretty, glossy pictures of smiling boys in luxurious surroundings and testimonials from carriers that had completed their service, praising the government and their providers.  Even to Jared’s young eyes it reeked of disinformation.  Using google he found further sites that recounted untold tales of abuse, rape and even torture.  He discovered that to be a provider you needed both financial and health references and that a government edict had recently changed the law so that instead of a nominal fee to purchase the contract of a carrier it was now an open auction.  With his heart in his mouth Jared realized what this meant, Jensen was one of the best looking boys Jared had ever seen, if he was to be sold, God Jared’s stomach turned at that thought, at open auction then the price would be way out of Jared’s reach.  Well Jared was many things in life, but he wasn’t a quitter.  He would work hard, he would try and make as much money as possible and he would buy Jensen’s contract if humanly possible and if not then he would just have to wait for him until his contract ended.  With that decision made and because his chaotic emotions had exhausted him he fell into a restless sleep.

 

 

Simon dragged Jensen down to the rec room, it was as depressingly institutional as the rest of the building, same drab walls, mismatched furniture, an ancient TV, a pool table and some tatty books on sagging shelves.  

 

“We only get two hours of TV a day, let’s see what’s on.”

 

Pulling Jensen onto the lumpy couch and pressing the remote.  A couple of boys were playing pool and another couple were playing cards, they nodded at Simon, 

 

“This is Jensen” there were mutters of “hey” but no one was particularly friendly, and that suited Jensen just fine.  

 

“They have all sorts of rules and shit here” Simon said “they’ll go through most of them tomorrow, but early to bed and early to rise is one of them.” Simon  from the TV to look at him “have to keep our looks, lights out at 9.30.”

 

Jensen groaned, although he didn’t really mind, he could do with some alone time to try and assimilate everything that had happened.  Later laying on the uncomfortable bed, Jensen couldn’t help but cry at the loss of everything he knew and loved, and in fear of what the future held.  His ass hurt from the uncaring exam and he was weary from the traumatic day, so against the odds, sleep overtook him and the next thing he knew it was morning and Simon was hammering on his door and then escorting him to breakfast.

 

“I can’t eat Simon, I’m too nervous, I’m worried about all this sex education and they were talking in reception about the Commissioner wanting to ‘help’ with my classes.”

 

Simon looked at him “Hmmm I always thought he was a kinky bugger, well don’t worry the only way he would be able to ‘help’ in any intimate way is if he was your provider or if he was a certified trainer, and I’m pretty sure he’s none of those.  And Dude, all the trainers are eunuchs the government thinks that they won’t have any interest in you. But just cos they take your balls doesn’t mean you don’t have a sex drive, some of those trainers are a bit handsy.”

 

 

“That doesn’t really make me feel better.” Jensen groaned “I don’t want someone touching me, I just want Jared.”

 

“Look, I’m not telling you to forget about him, but you’re just going to make yourself unhappy, well unhappier, that life is over, no one is going to rescue you, this is your life now, just man up and try and make the best of it.”

 

Knowing Simon was right Jensen followed him to the cafe for a healthy breakfast and then was taken to his first lesson.

 

 

“Hello Jensen I’m Trainer Matthew, let’s go over some of the rules.” Jensen had been taken into a small office by a remarkably young looking man, he spoke in a soft caring voice and Jensen felt himself relax for the first time in 24 hours. 

 

“Firstly and most importantly there is to be no physical contact outside of the training rooms, either between yourself and another carrier or between you and a staff member.  You have to be pure for your provider, any boy caught in a compromising position may be sent to the institute and no one wants that.” He smiled reassuringly.

 

“I’m sure that won’t be a problem with you, will it?” Jensen shook his head.

 

“You must look after your body, it must be kept in tip top condition, eat well, follow the exercises we recommend and also make sure to cleanse inside and out, we’ll show you how to do that” he took a breath “Show respect for all staff from trainers to cleaners, this is important, we will teach you how to be submissive as some providers require that, they tend to be the more traditional ones,” he sighed “being respectful to everyone is a good conduit to this.”

 

“Now I know you’re probably quite nervous about sex education, be assured that all trainers are professionals and they will attempt to make this transition as easy as possible.  Modesty is going to be a thing of the past, you need to get used to being naked and having strangers touch you.  When you go to your provider he will be a stranger to you but you must be accommodating. Remember how you behave reflects on the reputation of the academy.  Now then take your clothes off.”

 

What, Jensen looked up, stomach swooping, but Matthew’s gaze brooked no argument so Jensen got up and stripped off his uniform, realizing that it had been made for ease of removal.  Stark naked, embarrassed and uncomfortable Jensen stood there as Matthew walked around him, caressing and prodding occasionally.  He made a pleased grunt.

 

“Oh yes, I realized you were a very pretty boy, but naked you are quite spectacular, I think we may have to get some shots of you, maybe disheveled and in a state of undress, not too much skin mind, just enough to whet the appetite.  You’re going to net the academy a huge profit.”

 

“What do you mean?” said Jensen, “I thought I would be paired..” he was ignoring the talk with Simon, he wanted to hear about the corruption directly from the horses mouth.

 

“That’s the party line, pair some innocent carrier with a provider who will look after him, impregnate him and live a happy family life, the reality is slightly different.  Your details are put online normally about 6 months before your 21st birthday and then suitors can bid on you, it makes the state and the academy some much needed money and helps keep the wealthy and powerful’s bloodlines going.  In your case I think we may put your pictures up early, you are quite remarkable” he said caressing Jensen’s cheek unconsciously “I think we could start a feeding frenzy of bidding.  If someone buys you early then they can come and help with your training.” Jensen gasped “No don’t look like that, it’s a good thing, you’ll already be used to him by the time you have to leave and have intercourse.”

 

Jensen just wanted to run, he didn’t care where, if he couldn’t get out of this place then he was going to kill himself.  He was sorry that he wouldn’t see Jared again but he couldn’t live like this.

 

“Calm down, I can practically see your brain ticking over, I’ve frightened you, that wasn’t my intention, come on get dressed and let’s join the others, it’s not so bad you’ll see.”

 

Not convinced Jensen gratefully grabbed his clothes and pulled them on as quickly as possible.  Matt led him into the classroom where the other boys were discussing male reproduction, Jensen sighed and sat down.  An hour later Jensen felt no better in fact he felt slightly squeamish.  He had hoped that perhaps he would be artificially inseminated by his provider, no such luck, apparently that wasn’t an option so they would have to do things the ‘old fashioned’ way.  Simon slipped into the seat next to his,

 

“Yeah anatomy sucks right?”

 

“Well our’s sure does” Jensen agreed. 

 

xxxx

“Sex ed next I’m afraid.” Simon said sympathetically as Jensen paled.

 

Matt came up to Jensen and told him that he would be his instructor for the foreseeable future and asked him to undress again. Jensen quickly disrobed, there was no point in arguing, he blushed at the thought of being naked in front of all his classmates, but they were similarly stripping. Then the boys were escorted to a large tiled room, there were drains on the floor, shower head above and strangely coiled pipes leading from the wall hanging on hooks.

 

“Right collect your attachment” each boy went and obtained a dildo like attachment from the chief trainer, Alan. Jensen hesitantly did the same, looking at it, it appeared to be a hollow dildo, he watched the other boys screw them onto the end of the hoses.

 

“That one’s free.” pointed out Matthew

 

So Jensen attached his to the pipe all the while feeling incredible dread.  

 

“Now use the lube.” there were push top caddies also attached to the walls so Jensen lubed up the head.

 

“Now Jensen I’ll let Matt help you this time as it can be a bit uncomfortable, but don’t worry you’ll get used to it.”

 

Jensen cringed as he felt Matt’s latex clad fingers at his entrance, with no fanfare he pushed in, Jensen shrieked and tried to pull away, quickly Alan was there to help, holding Jensen steady.  

 

“Now there’s no need for any of that, just hold still.”

 

Once the finger had loosened him slightly the dildo shaped head was inserted and the water turned on.  The feeling of the water entering him was incredibly uncomfortable and Jensen cringed and panted.  He was feeling bloated, past the point of comfort. His breath was coming in uneven pants, but still the water filled him.

 

“Please that’s enough.”

 

“Shush.” calmed Matthew rubbing his belly in circular soothing movements “Just a little more.”

 

Finally the water was turned off and the dildo removed, but that only made matters worse. Jensen felt he could not hold it, his face was burning with humiliation at the thought of expelling the foul liquid but he needed to do it or he was going to die.  His guts were cramping as he tried to breathe through it but it was too much.  He could hear the other boys grunts and moans so he knew he was not alone in the agony.  

 

“OK boys squat over the drains and let it all out.”

 

Surely not, not in front of everyone, but Jensen was in so much pain he just put his humiliation aside and squatted and expelled.  It was truly one of the most mortifying experiences of his life.  Just when he thought it was all over Alan said

 

“Just one more time.”

 

While he went through the whole terrible experience again Alan told him that they would be doing this every morning, and that when he was procured that he must continue doing this to keep himself clean. After all his provider wouldn’t want to have sex with a dirty boy.  Jensen thought to himself that the moment he got out of there he was never doing this again, and if that meant his provider didn’t want him then that was a bonus.  Once they had evacuated the water a second time the boys had a quick shower and then moved back to the classroom where they were asked to relax in a cushioned area, Jensen stifled a snort, relax, yeah right.  

 

“Ok most of you know the drill, but Jensen here is new.” Matt announced as he handed out lube and a slim dildo. “Jensen what I want you to do is coat your finger in the lube, make sure you use plenty we don’t want you to hurt yourself.” No thought Jensen bitterly, it might effect my price “then slip your finger into your anus’.”

 

Feeling vaguely sick Jensen did as asked, pushing against the ring of muscle until it gave, it did hurt but Jensen didn’t care, he just wanted this over and done with.  He was burning with indignity and trying not to look around, however, when his eyes did stray he saw his humiliation reflected in the eyes of the other boys.  Even Peter who was so close to graduation looked sickened.  Moving his finger in and out, he gradually felt the tightness loosen and the pain diminish.  

 

“Now reapply some more lube and use two fingers Jensen.  We only ever use two fingers and these small dildos, we don’t want to loosen you up too much now.”

 

Yeah we all know why that is thought Jensen and he did as he was told, pushing the two fingers in was a bit more effort and caused a throbbing ache.  Jensen focused all his concentration on that ache allowing the classroom to recede to just a pinprick in his consciousness. This wasn’t so bad he thought as long as there is pain I can lose myself. 

 

“Now the dildo, we’ll be doing this daily Jensen until you’re close to graduation and then like Peter you will be required to wear a plug for a few hours a day, just so you are ready for your provider.”

 

The dildo was slightly easier to insert, it’s smooth surface making the journey easier.  

 

“Ok guys move it in and out, imagine you’re being fucked by a gorgeous man, that’s it Paul, it’s nice to see you enjoying yourself.”

 

Jensen turned his head and saw a slight young man with an impressive erection, his head was back, his body coated in a fine sheen of perspiration and he was panting as if he had run a marathon.  Jensen looked away embarrassed.  He felt no desire, his cock was limp with the shame and humiliation. The sensation of the dildo just reminded him of having a bowel movement, how could anyone enjoy this? His eyesight blurred as his eyes filled with tears, he tried desperately to hold them back but one overflowed and trickled down his cheek.  This is my life, he thought.

 

Three month’s later as they said goodbye to Peter who was whisked off in a big, black limousine Jensen considered how his life had become one of eating correctly, exercising efficiently, being prodded, probed and touched.  Everything was just awesome.

 

...

 

“Honey have you packed everything you want to take?  Your dad’s in the car waiting, we need to get on the road or your gonna miss your plane.”

 

Jared took one last look around his room, everything reminded him of Jensen, his bed where they had spent so much time kissing, the photos on the pinboard were all of him and Jensen, on holiday and hanging out.  He had to do this, he needed a good education to get Jensen back.  Taking a deep breath he turned and walked out of his room and into his new life in college, painfully aware that Jensen should be doing this with him.

 

After the plane ride from hell, Jared arrived at Stanford and found his dorm, he registered with the RA and made his way to his room.  There was already a blond guy there and he had snagged the best bed.

 

“Hey roomie I’m Chad” He loped over hand extended.

 

“Jared.” Jared said as he dumped his bags on his bed.  The room was plenty big enough for both of them but the beds looked a bit on the small size to accommodate his large frame, ah well he’d look forward to the backache.

 

“Come on dump your stuff dude, there’s beer to be drunk and girls to be seduced.”

 

“Chad, we are too young to drink and I have a boyfriend.”

 

“Ah homo, no probs, there are probably boys to seduce too...just not me.”

 

“I have a boyfriend Chad, and we’re too young to drink, you don’t want the moral police on your ass.”

 

“Moral schmoral having to go through highschool without having any sort of sex is immoral, well now I’m going to have a lot of sex...a lot,  come on.”

 

It wasn’t really worth the argument so Jared followed him out, they ended up at a dorm party a floor down from their room. Jared had never drank beer before and after his third he was feeling no pain.  He was sitting in the corner feeling better than he had in months when a short, dark haired girl joined him.

 

“Hi my name is Gen” she said handing him another beer.

 

“Jared.” he smiled, she was tiny and cute and maybe in another lifetime where his heart wasn’t taken then he would have considered her girlfriend material.

 

“So Jared what’s your story, why are you sitting here alone.”

 

And that was how Jared found himself telling a virtual stranger his life story.  He saw Gen flinch when he told her how much he loved Jensen, but once he started talking nothing could have stopped him.  He told her of his love for Jensen and how he had been cruelly ripped from his life.  Gen nodded and sympathized in the right places but it didn’t feel authentic.  Gen caressed his arm and looked him in the eye

 

“I hope we can be friends, we’re doing the same course, we can help each other and the better grade you get the closer you will be to getting Jensen back.”

 

xxx

A year later and not much had changed at the academy, a few newcomers had arrived and few of the older kids had graduated. Classes were still either tedious or embarrassing.  One day Jensen was called to the office, and everything changed.

 

“Hello Jensen” said Principal Yelland, a man Jensen had seen in passing but he had had no interaction with. “I have some excellent news for you we have managed to procure you a provider.”

 

“What? But I’m a year and a half away from graduation’.”Jensen spluttered.

 

“Now Jensen, I know Matt discussed this with you.  You are one of our more attractive boys and as such we would have been fools not to capitalize on it, now don’t look so upset you really have landed on your feet.  Jeffrey Dean Morgan, of Morgan enterprises has bought you.” the principal blushed “I mean procured you.  We didn’t even realize he was interested in a carrier, this is so prestigious.” The man preened a little “Also the man is a renowned humanitarian so I doubt he will be cruel to you, not that the state would allow that sort of thing.” Jensen snorted, he couldn’t help himself. 

 

The boys and he had discovered an underground website with stories from ex carriers. Some of the tales they told were horrendous.  Carriers treated as sex slaves, tortured and humiliated for their providers pleasure and apparently even when the state visited they took no action.  They had been bought and paid for after all.  

 

“Apparently he is quite the looker.” the Principal continued,  “if you go for that sort of thing, and the wealthiest man in the country. There were a lot of disappointed bidders too.” he chuckled “I heard the Commissioner Oaten was one of them, but don’t say I told you so.” he said with unrestrained delight. 

 

Jensen looked at the principal, he was a small, balding man with a paunch and squinty eyes that made him look untrustworthy.  He didn’t involve himself in the day to day care of the boys and as such Jensen had had little contact with him and now he found himself grateful for this.  The man was practically rubbing his hands together with glee.  “Now Mr Morgan is coming in to meet you tomorrow and he will also be meeting with the staff. He may well inform how you are going to be trained from now on- as is his right.”

 

Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Jensen had seen pictures of him before his incarceration (as he liked to call it) and the principal was right, he was an attractive man, but that didn’t mean Jensen wanted to sleep with him, he shuddered at the thought.

 

“Off you go,back to your classes now, I  bet you’re excited but you must redouble your efforts to be perfect now.”

 

Jensen’s choking on the dildo that Matt is thrusting down his throat.  He hates this, the taste of the plastic. The fear that Matt won’t pull back in time and he will choke to death, the indignity of it all and the pain in his throat.  The academy may only use slim dildos on their asses but for simulated oral it’s full sized all the way.  Matt thrusts it in a bit harder and holds it there a bit longer and by the time he withdraws tears are rolling down Jensen’s cheeks and he’s gasping for breath.  

 

“Come on Jensen you can do better than that, we want you fully competent in deep throating by the time you graduate.” Matt soothes “and this afternoon you have a bit of a treat we’re going to be doing some prostate play.”

 

God could this day get any worse, he can see it now,  Matt will be putting on those latex gloves, lubing up and shoving his finger up Jensen’s ass and massaging his prostate until Jensen comes.  There is nothing more humiliating than that.  Jensen tries each time not to get an erection but he always does.  Then he tries so hard not to come, but to no avail.  He can tell himself all he likes that it’s just physiology but that doesn’t avert the shame he feels.  Worse still he can’t help but notice how his humiliation effects Matt, there’s always a  serious bulge in his trousers, particularly if Jensen cries.  He quickly glances at Matt’s groin and sure enough the trainer’s cock is jutting lewdly though his trousers.  Matt notices his look and sniggers, quietly whispering

 

“Look at you with your mouth all stretched around that cock, those pouty lips were made for this.” he gave an enthusiastic thrust “you’d make a straight man pop a woody, God you’re even more beautiful when you cry, I just wish they’d let me have a go on you.” Matt shuddered at the thought and Jensen got the impression that he may have come in his pants, and wasn’t that just disgusting. Clearly eunuchs could still reach orgasm Jensen thought abstractly.

 

“Alright boys” said Alan the chief trainer “that’s enough for now, go have some lunch then back here at 2.00 for prostate play.”  

 

There were some groans from the other boys, Jensen didn’t know if they were groans of approval or disgust. He didn’t have time to think as Matt shoved the dildo in again and held it there until Jensen’s vision turned black, just as he thought he was going to pass out he removed it and Jensen doubled over gagging and dry heaving.  Matt sniggered and slapped Jensen on his raised ass as he got up and left the room.  God Jensen couldn’t take another year and a half of this.  

 

xxxx

 

Jared had locked himself in the bathroom. The shower was running and he was leaning his head against the tiles.  Gen was in his bedroom, now a single, in his bed, naked.  How had that happened?  They had become friendly, helping each other out with tests and assignments. Going out with each other for drinks and meals.  Okay people had thought that they were dating, but they weren’t. Gen knew that, they were just friends.  He had a boyfriend, maybe he hadn’t seen him for over a year, or even spoken to him. And he was lonely, so lonely and Gen had been sweet and soft and accommodating.  Oh God, he’d had sex, and not with Jen but with Gen.  Could his life be anymore fucked up?  He’d spoken at length to Gen about Jensen and she had seemed to think that Jared wouldn’t be able to earn enough money to buy his contract and that he should move on. 

She had been sympathetic about it but realistic.  Jared had known that she had a point. He knew it was unlikely that he would ever earn enough to buy Jensen’s contract  but Jared couldn’t let go. Then today in Legal Aspects of Carrier Law 201 he’d seen the sort of prices that carrier contracts went for and realized that he would have to make partner and then save for at least 5 years before he would be in a position to purchase Jensen’s contract.  The water drummed down around him and Jared suddenly realized he was crying.  He was letting Jensen go, finally and against his will, he was letting him go.

 

“Jared are you alright in there? You’ve been in there a long time”

 

“I’m just finished” he said as he stepped from the shower and walked from the steamy room leaving behind the memories of the man he loved and walking into the arms of the woman who loved him. With a sigh he pulled Gen to his chest and wept softly in the circle of her arms.

 

“It’s alright” she muttered soothing him with her touch “shh come to bed” and so he did, but later even as he slipped into her again he couldn’t help feel his betrayal bearing down upon him. 

 

xxxx

 

Prostate play had been just as horrible as Jensen had imagined. His ass was sore and he just wanted to crawl into bed and cry.  But Simon was dragging him along for dinner. Simon was buzzing he was graduating in a week and although he couldn’t wait to get out of ‘this dump’ as he referred to the academy, he was going to miss Jensen and as such was determined to spend every minute with him. 

 

“I hear you’ve been procured, maybe they’ll let you graduate early and then if our providers allow it we can meet up’.” Simon giggled, he’s met his provider, Senator Collins and had really liked the man, he had seemed kind and caring. 

 

“God no, I don’t want to leave early” but then he thought about it. If he could leave early then he would finish his service early and be back with Jared. If Jared still wanted him. He was so confused, part of him wanted to delay being in service to his provider. He was honest enough to admit that he was scared, but another part just wanted it over and done with. That and he wouldn’t have to deal with Matt anymore.  

 

“Oh Simon I’m so nervous about tomorrow, what if he doesn’t like me, or what if he does, I don’t know which is worse.” Jensen stammered

 

“He’s gonna love you, what’s not to love?” Simon nudged him and laughed “come on eat up and we’ll grab some TV time.”

 

That night Jensen couldn’t sleep, he tossed and turned, tried to lie still, fidgeted, considered counting sheep and then gave up. Opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.  It didn’t matter to him if his eyes were bloodshot. If Mr Morgan didn’t like him he hoped he had a refund option.  Returned unused, Jensen sniggered to himself. Mind you the academy would show it’s displeasure,  probably with a paddle to Jensen’s ass.  Time crawled by and eventually it was time to get up. He was meeting Mr Morgan after breakfast so he trekked to the shower where he was waylaid by a Protector who handed him a pile of clothing, definitely of better quality than he was used to.  

 

“Make sure you’re squeaky clean and don’t make a mess of the clothes we want to make a good impression don’t we?” said the sour faced woman.

 

Jensen grunted and went about his ablutions then headed to the refectory.  

 

“Sexy” shouted Simon as he wolf whistled

 

“Shut up you’re not making things any easier, anyhow it’s just the same uniform, just better material, I think.”

 

“Same style, thinner material, I can see your bits.” Simon tittered

 

“Oh for God’s sake are they whoring me out now, dammit!”

 

Looking up he saw that most of the boys were either looking at him or pretending not to look at him, just great.

 

“You finished Ackles? it’s nearly time, go and brush your teeth.”

 

The protector followed him to the bathroom and hung around while he brushed and then escorted him through a door marked ‘private’ into a part of the academy that he hadn’t visited before.  This area was carpeted and looked far more opulent, the clinging air of desperation that shrouded the rest of the academy was absent and the decoration hid the institutional nature of the place.  Jensen shuffled along slowly, his heart in his mouth, he was so nervous he could feel perspiration break out on his forehead.  They stopped outside a plain door and the Protector turned Jensen to face her and wiped his brow, knocked on the door, opened it and pushed Jensen through it.

 

It didn’t feel like he’d had enough time to prepare and suddenly he was face to face with the man who was going to own him.  Jeff stood and smiled warmly, he was taller than Jensen and slightly broader.  Jensen thought he was probably in his early forties, dark haired shot with grey framed a wide friendly face graced with warm brown eyes and a sunny smile.  

 

“Hello Jensen, it’s nice to meet you.” he said extending his hand.

 

After hesitating a moment Jensen took it and found his hand enveloped in a strong handshake.

 

“Sit down, let’s talk, I know this isn’t ideal but I wanted to meet you.”

 

There were two comfortable looking chairs kitty corner to each other Jeff took one and Jensen tentatively sat on the edge of the other, cheeks glowing, heart beating nineteen to the dozen.  

 

Jeff moved his head towards Jensen as if to kiss him, breath warm and moist against his cheek and whispered in his ear

 

“I don’t know if they’re listening, I suspect they are, I promise this will not be as bad as you imagine. I’ll take care of you, you won’t be my slave. Now giggle as if I said something funny.”

 

Jensen was taken aback but he managed a half hearted and probably false sounding laugh.  

 

“I’m going to see if you can graduate early. You’re twenty in five months and there is precedent for early graduation, what do you think?”

 

Almost hyperventilating Jensen replied “Whatever you want Sir.”

 

“Crap don’t be calling me sir, that’ll creep me out. Call me Jeff or you miserable bastard, that’s what my employees call me.” he said with a wink.  Jensen managed an actual smile at that.  The situation was surreal and they really couldn’t talk properly but Jensen started to feel at ease. Jeff looked trustworthy and in their limited interaction he seemed warm and funny and at least if he left the academy early then he would finish his service early.

 

“I’d like that Jeff.” he said surprising himself by actually meaning it.

 

They spent some time making idle chit chat, each aware of the listening devices snooping on them.

 

“So what do you want to do with your life Jensen.”

 

Jensen looked at Jeff in confusion “My life’s pretty planned out Jeff surely you know that. Stuck at the academy for three years, bought by some rich dude, pop out four kids...” he knew he sounded bitter but couldn’t help it. 

 

Putting his hand up Jeff says “Yeah but if you had a choice, what were you going to do before all this happened.”

 

“Well,” Jensen mused thoughtfully, he didn’t really like to look back at his time with Jared and all the plans they had made, Simon had been right in the respect, it was just too painful “I always planned on becoming a human rights lawyer, I had a place at Stanford I was all set to go.” he trailed off “it’s too late to think about things like that now.” he continued almost to himself “Just got to make the best of the hand I’ve been dealt...” he looked at Jeff with tears in his eyes but managed a weak smile.

 

“Hmm” Jeff looked thoughtful “Well I can’t promise to let you go to college, that’d be against the law, but maybe I can persuade Stanford to arrange some correspondence courses and I’m sure I can get some of the lecturers to pop in and give you some one on one instruction, yeah, I’ll just donate a new library or something.” he smiled at his own ingenuity while Jensen just looked flabbergasted. 

 

“You could get a Stanford professor to give me one on one instruction?”

 

“Money talks Jensen, and it’s my job to make sure you are happy and well cared for. You’re obviously a highly intelligent young man and I want to nurture that. Your life isn’t over Jensen, it’s just delayed slightly.” he smiled warmly at Jensen’s shocked expression.  

 

Jensen felt overcome with emotion, maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as he thought.  I mean he was still unhappy that he would have to have a physical relationship with a man he barely knew, in fact he wasn’t sure he could do it, but Jeff seemed like a nice guy and Jensen was going to have to give him a chance.  Sadness overtook Jensen for a moment as he considered the fact that he would have to have sex with Jeff, it wasn’t that he was unattractive, quite the contrary, but Jensen had given his heart to Jared and he had always assumed that Jared would also take his virginity.  The thought of having sex with a virtual stranger was incredibly uncomfortable and although Jensen realized that he had  no choice in the matter, he couldn’t help but wish that things were different.

 

“Thank you Jeff, it would be amazing if you could arrange something like that, even a correspondence course would be more than I imagined possible.” Jensen said with a smile.

 

“Kid, believe me when I tell you, you can have whatever you want.” Jeff was practically beaming. 

 

There was a knock at the door signaling that their time was up.  Jeff leapt up and grabbed Jensen’s hand pulling him to his feet and drew him into his arms for a brief hug.  Jeff was warm and cozy. The man could give cuddles for a living, thought Jensen as he returned the hug. It had been such a long time since he had been touched with anything close to genuine affection.  All the touches at the academy were sexualized or clinical. For a moment he felt like a human being instead of a vessel.  Pulling away Jeff slapped him on the shoulder and told him he would visit again soon and with that they left the room. Jensen was still in a state of shock.

 

Simon left the academy on a sunny but chilly December morning. Jensen hugged him fiercely not wanting to let go.  He looked up at Simon through tear blurred eyes to see that Simon was also crying.  

 

“We’ll see each other again, the Senator has promised me. Mr Morgan seems nice, I’m sure he’ll let us visit.” Simon said, his breath hitching.

 

“Oh God Simon how am I going to manage here without you, Hell that sounds so selfish, Senator Collins does seem really nice, I hope he’s everything you wish for.”

 

They hugged again, before two protectors rushed down the hall to separate them.  Simon was escorted from the building as Jensen looked on tearfully.  He watched the attractive Senator open the door of the limo for Simon and then get in after him.  Simon was lost to him behind the tinted windows and Jensen couldn’t help but think he may never see his friend again. With a heavy heart he returned to his room and fell onto his bed.

 

xx

 

 

Five months later Jared was sitting in the college coffee shop lost in his own thoughts, today was Jensen’s birthday, he would be 20 and Jared hadn’t seen or heard from him for two years.  

 

“Honey what’s up?” said Gen touching Jared’s arm

 

“Nothing really, just worrying about that assignment for Professor Stein.”

 

“Don’t worry about it Jared, we’ll get it finished by the weekend and then we can relax at my family's house, I can’t wait to tell them the good news.” she said extending her hand and spreading her fingers to admire the twinkling diamond on her ring finger. “My mom will be so excited, she’ll love planning the wedding.”

 

Gen was sweet and kind and Jared couldn’t imagine a more perfect girlfriend, but today he couldn’t get his thoughts away from Jensen.  If things were different Jensen would be here with him now, they would be making plans for the weekend, maybe they would even be planning their wedding.  Although Jared  knew there was no realistic way he could ever afford Jensen’s contract there were still times he was weighed down with the guilt of having moving on.  He loved Gen, he did, and she helped fill the gaping hole Jensen had left behind, but Jensen was his first love and somedays he had to acknowledge that. He wondered what Jensen was doing now, he really hoped that he was happy.

 

xxx

 

“Final day at this dump.” Jensen thought to himself as he wandered along to the classroom, had to be sex ed didn’t it, he grumbled.  He would have thought they’d let him off this lesson as Jeff was picking him up in the afternoon.  

 

“Come along Jensen.” Matt said “off for your final enema, have to make sure you’re squeaky clean for your Master.”

 

Jensen groaned and followed Matt into the communal bathroom, going through the motions as quickly as possible. Undressing and inserting the attachment into his ass. 

 

“Hmm you’re starting to enjoy this aren’t you? I bet you can’t wait to get a big, fat cock up there.” Matt said as he reached out and groped Jensen’s ass. Jensen squeaked and tried to move away. But Matt was bigger and managed to get Jensen into the corner, he loomed over him hands everywhere.  

 

“What do you think you are doing? “ Matt Grabbed the hose and started to crudely thrust it “Stop it you’re not meant to touch me.”  Matt just laughed, Jensen screamed and Matt tried to silence him by putting lhis hand over his mouth but he was too late.  Two protectors entered the room and forcibly dragged him away from Jensen.

 

“It was a misunderstanding.” he pled but the protectors ignored him.

 

“Finish off what you are doing and then get dressed Ackles, Mr Morgan has left some clothes for you on your bed.”  

 

They then left the room with Matt in tow. Jensen couldn’t bring himself to care what happened to the man who had made his life hell for the last two years  Quickly completing his cleansing. Jensen went to his room and discovered some jeans, a t-shirt, jumper, sneakers and underwear, Jensen was thrilled to be able to wear underwear again.  As he was dressing there was a knock on the door, a couple of the boys had come to say goodbye.  He surprised himself by how sad he was leaving the boys. They had kept each other going over the months. He wasn’t sad to leave the academy, it had been one of the most unpleasant experiences of his life.  He was nervous there was no two ways about it. But he’d been making the best of his crappy life for two years and he was hoping that things were about to improve.  Principal Yelland himself accompanied Jensen from the premises, Jeff meeting him on the steps outside with a big smile and a hug.

 

“Mr Morgan I hope you are satisfied with Jensen he’s worked hard....”

 

“I’m sure I’ll be more than satisfied, come along now Jensen I bet you can’t wait to see your new home?” Jeff interrupted as he hustled Jensen towards his large town car.

 

“What no limo?” Jensen said cheekily as he got in, leaving the principal on the steps looking slightly chagrined. 

 

“That’s enough of your lip.” laughed Jeff as he got in beside him and the driver set off.  Jensen looked over his shoulder and watched the academy fade from view.  He turned to look at Jeff who was smiling at him.  

 

“Let’s get home and we can chat properly.”  Although Jeff had visited the academy several times over the last five months, they had still felt the need to be careful with what they said to each other lest there was anyone listening.  After a short journey they reached a set of imposing gates which opened automatically on their approach. Then they wended their way up a long winding drive to a large grandiose mansion.  Jensen whistled, this was like nothing he had ever seen before.  It was quite beautiful, the building rose impressively to two stories, large windows decorated the front, with balconies on the upper floors.  the whole thing was steeped with age,  the structure reminding him of a formidable but handsome old lady.

 

“Welcome home sweetheart.” the driver pulled to a stop and opened Jensen’s door.  Exiting the car he spent some time just looking up at the house and admiring it. 

 

“Quite something isn’t she, my great granddad had her built and I just couldn’t live anywhere else.  Come on let’s get inside.”

 

Resting a hand in the small of Jensen’s back Jeff guided him inside.  The  entrance hall was like something out of an old movie, all polished wood and plaster moldings, there was even a chandelier for goodness sake.  But what Jensen liked best was the furniture, it was old but sturdy and obviously well used and loved, none of those flimsy and fussy antiques he had seen in his Aunts old house.  The place was redolent with the aroma of beeswax polish, it felt homely.  

 

“Shall I give you the ten cent tour sweetheart.”

 

Jensen nodded, and followed as Jeff lead the way through the first floor, pointing out the living room, drawing room, dining room, library and many more rooms, Jensen’s head was spinning.  They ended up in a large but homey kitchen, Jeff gestured for Jensen to sit at the table.

 

“Beer?”

 

“I’m not 21 yet.” Jensen snorted

 

“Yeah well we need to have a talk and I think alcohol is definitely going to help.”

 

xx

 

Yeah Jensen knew they needed to talk, he was keeping his emotions under control but he had a thrumming undercurrent of nerves that just wouldn’t abate.  Taking the beer and having a long draught of it he looked up at Jeff as the older man sat down looking uncomfortable for the first time.

 

“You know we have to have sex tonight?” he said uneasily his attention on the beer bottle in his hand, he nervously picked at the label then looked into Jensen’s beautiful green eyes, sighing “I know you probably don’t want to do it, and I don’t want to force you but the doctor will be round tomorrow..” he tailed off.

 

“Yeah I know he’ll examine me to make sure we’ve done our... duty,” Jensen snorted

 

“But Jensen, I like you, and not just because you’re a very attractive boy, but the last thing I want is to force you into having sex with me.  We have to do this, there’s no way round it, but once we’ve fulfilled this obligation I want us to get to know one another and hopefully we can have a true relationship.”  he took Jensen’s hand, he looked so sincere Jensen couldn’t doubt him.  “Drink your beer, it’ll relax you and then we can see what the night brings, just because we are legally obligated to do this doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it.”

 

Jensen snorted again, who could ever enjoy that?  OK the prostate play had made him come but it had been horrifying, humiliating and painful. When his time was up he was never having sex again, well not as the receiver anyway.

 

“Sweetheart, I promise you will enjoy it.” Jeff said interrupting Jensen’s internal monologue. Jensen looked at Jeff disbelievingly “Put it this way, if you don’t enjoy it I’ll bottom for you.” Jensen choked on his beer as Jeff continued in a dark whisper “and I never bottom.”

 

Jensen gulped and looked into Jeff’s deep brown eyes, he was truly a good looking man, not only that but he was kind and funny, and maybe under different circumstances he could fall for him.  But Jensen’s heart was taken, he had tried to let go of Jared, but he still woke up each morning yearning for him and whenever anything happened Jared was the one he wished he could tell.  He knew that tonight he had to lose his virginity to Jeff, but his heart was breaking because it should be Jared.  They had to do it though and it wasn’t Jeff’s fault, not really, it was the damned government and one day Jensen decided he was going to make them pay.  He managed a weak smile at Jeff and then took a huge draught of his beer trying not to think of the evening to come. 

 

“Come on let me show you upstairs.” Jeff took his hand and led him out of the room and up the stairs.

 

Jensen was too nervous to take in much of the upstairs as he was taken to a huge wooden door, opening it Jeff said, 

 

“This is my room, yours is next door.” Jensen looked at him sharply “you don’t have to sleep with me...unless of course you want to.”  he sighed “God I didn’t think I’d be so nervous, I don’t want to hurt you’.” Jensen looked at him, stomach churning.

 

“So do you wanna get this thing out of the way...”

 

Shocked, Jeff took his hand and ushered him into the room.

 

Jensen was so stressed he thought he might throw up, but he just wanted to get it over and done with, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, Jeff was so sweet, but experience  had taught him otherwise.

 

Jeff guided Jensen to the bed and sat him down, sitting next to him Jeff gently cupped the back of his head and angled it so he could place a light kiss on his lips.  Jensen tried to answer the kiss but all he could think about was Jared.  The last time he’s been kissed it had been Jared doing the kissing.  No matter how he tried he couldn’t get his mind back to the present, he just closed his eyes and let Jeff take the lead, responding to his kiss in the most superficial of manner as Jeff laid him down on the bed.  Jeff slowly started to pull his sweater and t shirt up his body baring his midriff making Jensen shiver.  Keeping their lips together until the last moment, Jeff pulled the clothing off Jensen’s top half, leaving the younger man feeling more naked than he had for a long time.  Sitting up Jeff pulled off his own clothes, Jensen opened his eyes and then wished he hadn’t, Jeff’s cock was large and erect, it wasn’t overly long but it was thick and veined and Jensen knew where it was meant to go.  All the preparation in the world wouldn’t stop that hurting.  Closing his eyes again Jensen tried to slow his breathing and relax but then he felt Jeff’s hand on his fly undoing it and trying to remove his trousers, lifting his buttocks to help him, Jensen found himself fully naked.  

 

“Sweetheart” Jeff said, caressing his cheek “look at me.”

 

Jensen reluctantly opened his eyes and took in Jeff, he was leaning over him, naked and unabashed.  Jeff reached down and kissed him again, Jeff’s breath warm on his lips, coming slightly more erratically the more aroused he got.  Jensen closed his eyes again and tried to go away, back to a time and place where he loved and was loved back.  He felt Jeff’s erection pressing against his hip and Jeff’s knee insinuate itself between his thighs coaxing them apart.  Wanting nothing more than to keep them together or maybe just get up and run, Jensen parted his thighs and heard Jeff groan.

 

“That’s it sweetheart,” he kissed his way down Jensen’s body pausing to give each nipple some attention, and Jensen was horrified to find his cock perking up.  He may have to endure this but he didn’t want to be complicit in it, but he knew Jeff wanted him to enjoy it and it was up to him to do what Jeff wanted.  Appalled he felt tears welling in his eyes, Jeff was nuzzling his cock and then he took it in his mouth.  Jensen couldn’t lie, it felt fabulous, but that just made everything worse. The tears overflowed and ran down his cheek and  to his chagrin he could no longer hold the sobs in, Jeff let his cock fall from his mouth and rushed up the bed to take Jensen in his arms.

 

“Sweetheart,” he soothed rubbing Jensen’s shoulder

 

“Please Jeff, please just do it, I don’t want to come, I know I have to do what you say...”

 

 

Distressed Jeff stuttered “No, no sweetheart, we have to do this but you’re not my slave we’ve already agreed this” still stroking his skin ”You don’t want to come?” he looked at Jensen quizzically.

 

“I can’t explain..” he tailed off.

 

“OK baby, let’s get this over and done with and then we can relax and get to know one another,” he smiled.  Jeff’s erection had subsided Jensen noticed as Jeff turned him over so that he was face down on the bed, rubbing the small of his back, as he reached for the lube.  Snapping it open he liberally coated his fingers and ran his fingers down the crack of Jensen’s ass. Jensen closed his eyes and tried to take himself away, somewhere where his life wasn’t so fucked up, he knew it would be easier if he relaxed so he slowed his breathing and thought back to his favorite memory.  He and Jared had gone walking in the meadows out towards the edge of town, the sun was warm but not too hot and there was a buzzing in the air of insects and the scent of wildflowers. Jared was holding his hand and all was right with the world.  

 

Sighing he felt Jeff’s fingers tease at his opening but he ignored it and concentrated on his memory of the warm, lazy summers day, of how Jared had laid him down in that field and spent hours just kissing him, petting him and loving him.   There had been no sexual contact, just lips on lips and innocent touches, he could feel tears prickling but forced them back.  Jeff had a finger in him now, but Jensen was far away from the luxurious bedroom in the arms of a boy he had loved and lost, a boy he would probably never see again.  Jeff had two fingers in him now, scissoring and opening him, it was uncomfortable, but Jensen embraced the discomfort, his mood melancholy.

 

“Up on all fours, Jensen, it’ll be easier.”

 

Jensen shifted automatically, tensing in anticipation, as Jeff placed his cock at Jensen’s entrance. 

 

“Take a deep breath” Jeff said, his voice rough, one hand on Jensen’s hip the other guiding his cock.  Holding Jensen steady he proceeded to push his cock into Jensen causing the younger man to gasp at the intrusion.  Jensen was expecting pain but this was sharper and deeper than he expected, breathing slowly and concentrating on each breath as he had been taught, Jensen slowly relaxed and allowed Jeff to push all the way home.  

 

Bang goes my virginity Jensen thought and nearly choked at the unintentional pun.  He could hear Jeff’s ragged breathing behind him, as he waited stationary until he felt Jensen relax then he started making small thrusts.  The pain had subsided some, but it was still far from pleasurable, but at least it was bearable. His face was wet and Jensen realized he was crying again.  Jeff didn’t try and prolong the act, he increased the speed and depth of his thrusts and came with a quiet groan, slowly removing himself.  He turned Jensen over and took him in his arms, mumbling words of apology and comfort as Jensen sobbed in the circle of his arms until he fell into a restless sleep.

 

xx

 

As he came slowly back to consciousness his first thoughts was how warm, safe and cared for he felt.  Opening his eyes he saw Jeff looking at him in concern. Jeff caressed his cheek,

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

Jensen replied blushing with embarrassment

 

“I’m so sorry Jeff, I forgot all my training, we can do it again, please don’t send me back...”

 

“Calm down.” he rubbed Jensen’s arm soothingly “I’m never sending you back, I want you to be happy, well as happy as you can be under the circumstances.” he kissed Jensen on the cheek and continued “Are you hungry?”

 

Jensen’s stomach chose that moment to rumble, blushing he nodded,

 

“come on then let’s get some food in you.”

 

Jeff leapt out of bed and wrapped himself in a robe and grabbed a second one for Jensen passing it to the younger man.  Jensen sat up and groaned, his ass hurt. Sighing he got up and put the robe on and followed Jeff downstairs.  Each step brought a new and interesting ache to his rear end.  Unfortunately he realized he was going to have to get used to that feeling, they were going to have to have sex on a daily basis until Jeff knocked him up, and wasn’t that a comforting thought.  

 

“Steak and baked potato ok?”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

“Hey Jensen, do you want to call your family?”

 

Jensen looked up, astounded,

 

“Would you let me?”

 

Jeff came over and took Jensen’s hands,

 

“Of course, whenever you want sweetheart, and when you’ve settled in a bit we can have them visit.  You can call your friends too, who was that guy at the academy you were friendly with? Sam?”

 

“Simon.”

 

“Yeah Simon, he’s with Misha, Senator Collins, he’s a good friend of mine, and I’d like to have both of them over for dinner sometime soon.”

 

Jensen felt a warm feeling in his stomach, Jeff was being so kind to him.  

 

“I’d love to phone my parents please.”

 

“The phone’s in the hall.”

 

Still moving carefully due to the pain in his bottom Jensen picked up the phone and started dialing the old familiar number, hearing the ringing tone his stomach clenched painfully as nerves kicked in.

 

“Hello”  his Mom’s voice at once familiar but also alien, it sounded too weak and reedy and not at all like the strong woman he remembered

 

“Mom?”

 

“Oh my God, Jensen, is that you?” his mom was crying and then Jensen was crying.

 

“Son are you OK?”

 

“Yes Mom, I’ve been taken in by Jeff Morgan.”  he could hear his mom gasp.

 

“The Jeff Morgan?”

 

“Yeah, he’s really nice, one of the first things he said was that I could call you, Mom how’s Dad and Josh and Mac?”

 

“They’re good, we all miss you so much.” she was still crying but trying to control herself.

 

Swallowing hard around the lump in his throat, Jensen asked the question that had been plaguing him for two years

 

“How’s Jared?”

 

His mom was silent for a long time, then she sighed and said

 

“Do you really want to know?”

 

Feeling his stomach plummet Jensen said quietly “Yes.”

 

“He’s engaged, the wedding is in a month, I’m sorry Jensen he’s moved on.” his mother rushed the words as if saying them quickly would stop them hurting.

 

Jensen didn’t think that a broken heart was a real thing until that moment, he knew it was unrealistic to expect Jared to wait for him, but he couldn’t help but hope that he would.  He was crying again, ah well if nature wanted him to play the girl role he was going to play it to the fullest.  He wasn’t going to be ashamed of mourning the loss of his relationship with Jared.  Jared had moved on and now it was time for Jensen too. He was going to give his all to Jeff and try and make a happy and healthy relationship with him.  It was time to stop living in the past.  

 

“Mom I’ve got to go now, if you see him, give him my best, I’ll call you again real soon.”

 

“I love you Jensen.”

 

“Love you too mom.”

 

And Jensen replaced the receiver, composed himself and walked back to the kitchen and his new life.

 

xxx

 

After eating dinner and cleaning the kitchen it was already nighttime, Jeff took them to the library to show Jensen the law books he had purchased for him, telling him he had spoken to the law school and gotten the reading list.  That the university had agreed to let him take his course remotely and that a couple of professors would visit to give him a few lectures.  Jensen couldn’t believe it Jeff had come through on his promises. Without thinking Jensen threw his arms around Jeff’s neck and pulled him into a hug, Jeff laughed and returned the hug with enthusiasm.

 

“God you’re easy to please, a couple of books and you’re ecstatic.”  Jensen grinned in return.

 

“Thanks so much Jeff, this is beyond my wildest dreams.”

 

Jeff gave a sad little smile and kissed Jensen on the cheek, “Want to watch some TV, I’m sure there’s something mind numbing on.”

 

“Mind numbing TV, my favorite.” Jensen joked as he was shepherded to a comfy family room.  This room had two old but comfortable leather sofas, the leather was so supple it moulded to Jensen’s shape as he sat down and the TV was a huge plasma screen, Jeff turned it on and flicked the channels until he found a football game.  He looked to Jensen and raised an eyebrow quizzically, Jensen nodded and they settled down to watch the match with easy camaraderie.

 

The following morning Jensen awoke and for one confusing moment wondered where the hell he was, the bed he was sleeping in was soft and cozy and he could feel a warm presence at his back.  He fidgeted slightly as his bladder was full and the pain in his rear brought back memories of the previous day.  He remembered his behavior with a frown, he had treated Jeff so badly, Jeff who had been nothing but patient and caring towards him.  He resolved to make it up to him, he really didn’t want to have anal sex again, not until his arse stopped hurting so much, he knew he would have to, but maybe he could delay it somewhat. After all he had a lot of experience at deep throating, smiling he set to work.  Working his way down under the covers until he was face to face with Jeff’s impressive morning hard on, he hadn’t done this before with an actual cock, but he figured it was the same principal.   He swiped his tongue from the base to the tip following the sensitive seam.  He was surprised by the lack of taste, there was a deep, masculine, musky smell but taste wise it was very neutral, just like sucking a thumb, until he got to the leaking head that was.  The taste there was bitter and strong, not entirely pleasant but not the most awful thing he’s had in his mouth either.  Opening his mouth he took the tip in and swirled his tongue around the head, teasing the slit, no dildo had ever been like this, he felt Jeff’s cock twitch as it got with the program, filling and hardening further.  Above the covers he could hear Jeff groan and felt the convulsive jerk of his hips, pausing he let Jeff thrust into his mouth, the thrusts were gentle, almost unaware and then he felt a shudder and Jeff’s cock was pulled from his mouth and suddenly the covers were raised

 

“Jensen what the hell are you doing?” 

 

Well that wasn’t the reaction he expected.  Looking up at Jeff from under his lashes, he took Jeff’s cock back into his mouth and showed Jeff exactly what he was doing.  Hearing the gasps and moans of the other man Jensen felt empowered in a way that he hadn’t felt for years, not since he had been taken to the academy.  Jeff liked what he was doing and more importantly Jensen liked it. This felt so different from the enforced blow jobs using dildos he’d had to participate in at the academy it was like comparing chalk with cheese.  

 

Jeff had been so kind and loving to Jensen and Jensen wanted to give this relationship the proper attention it deserved, there was no point in living in the past, Jared had moved on and now it was time for Jensen to aswell. He would always remember his time with Jared with a smile and a huge amount of affection but he had a life now and he was going to live it to the full.  

 

He increased the suction, tonguing the slit and being rewarded with a little spurt of precum, Jeff was moaning incoherently now and his hips were jerking of their own volition. It was clear he was trying to hold himself back, but there was no need, Jensen was a pro at this. He moved his hands around the back of Jeff’s buttocks and encouraged the thrusting, soon Jeff was hitting the back of Jensen’s throat causing Jensen to swallow to accommodate the responsive girth.  Jensen could hear moaning and he suddenly realized that it was him that was doing it, who knew that giving a blow job could be so arousing, and that made him wonder whether Jeff was right and that he could enjoy anal sex, God he hoped so, that would make his life here perfect.  

 

Jeff really seemed to enjoy Jensen’s combination of suction and tongue action and he raised his head off the pillow and looked down at Jensen who looked up again through his lashes, Jeff groaned, he really seemed to appreciate the visual.

 

“God sweetheart.”  he moaned as his hands found Jensen’s hair “look at you, so perfect, so fucking perfect..” then suddenly Jeff’s cock pulsed and his mouth was filled with bitter release, he swallowed quickly to stop himself from choking and when the pulses stopped he pulled off and crawled up the bed into Jeff’s arms, wiping his mouth which caused another groan from Jeff who yanked him up and crushed their lips together sharing the remnants of his release.  

 

“What brought that on? not that I’m complaining.” Jeff said his voice broken as his hand insinuated down to Jensen’s groin and a smirk painted Jeff’s face as he found Jensen hard and wanting.  He grasped Jensen’s cock firmly and set a slow rhythm watching Jensen intently for every moan and flicker of need that passed his face. He brought his mouth to Jensen’s ear, his breath warm and moist as he whispered

 

“Do you like that?” Jeff’s voice deep almost a rumble sent shivers down Jensen’s spine, no one had any right sounding like that.  Jensen groaned as Jeff teased the head with his thumb, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt pleasure like this, pleasure freely given and unforced and almost without warning he felt a tingle deep in his balls as his cock erupted spurting cum all over Jeff’s hand and the sheets. An incredible feeling of  wellbeing washed over Jensen in a languorous wave and he relaxed into Jeff’s embrace, his eyes closing as fatigue overtook him, his full bladder forgotten as he fell into a peaceful sleep.

xxx

 

When he awoke again an hour or so later his bladder had become painful so he extricated himself from Jeff’s arms and made his way to the bathroom where he relieved himself and put the shower on, he was just about to get under when Jeff burst into the bathroom yelling.

 

“Stop, you need to see the doctor before you shower.” Jensen hit his head with his hand, he had all but forgotten about that.

 

“When will he be here?” Jensen asked, he was feeling incredibly grubby and he wanted a shower, actually for the first time in his life he wanted an enema. 

 

“Should be here within the hour, let’s get some breakfast.” so they donned the robes again and went to the kitchen where Jeff prepared pancakes “I have a cook but I gave her the week off so we could have some time to get to know one another. I usually only need her when I’m working as I do such long hours, but I took some time off so we could spend some time with each other.” Jensen smiled, Jeff looked so domesticated and when the pancakes were cooked they were delicious.  They had not long finished the pancakes when the doorbell rang and Jensen realized that it was the doctor, he had been poked and prodded on a regular basis back at the academy but this was different and he couldn’t help but feel nervous. 

 

Jeff answered the door, and let in a rather austere looking older man, he was thin and grey haired.

 

“This is Doctor Benson.” Jeff announced, his face tight and unhappy “So Doc what’s the procedure?”  

 

The doctor’s faced washed over with displeasure at the diminutive but he schooled his face and said

 

“Just bend over the chair young man.”

 

so Jensen grabbed the back of the chair and leant forward pushing his ass out, he could hear the rustle of latex and imagined the doctor putting on his gloves.  He felt the hem of his robe being lifted and heard the Doctor hum in approval as he saw the semen leaking from Jensen’s anus.  He felt a pressure there then the insertion of a digit, his ass was sore from the intercourse yesterday and this intrusion caused him to gasp with pain.  Jeff was there suddenly, his hand in Jensen’s hair, soothing and calming.  He could hear the doctor behind him he was humming  and then he removed his fingers.

 

“Well sorry about that young man” he said “I have to be sure, you wouldn’t believe the lengths some people go to to avoid penetration, and some of the contract holders are complicit.” he gave Jeff a hard look “But I can tell that you both have fulfilled your duty, I have some salve here that will help with the discomfort.” He rooted around in his bag and handed a tube to Jensen “now I won’t have to come back unless you’re not pregnant in three months, and if that’s the case we may need medical tests.” He smiled and his face changed he looked more like a friendly grandad now.  “See that you look after him.” he said to Jeff as he repacked his bag and headed for the door.

 

When Jeff returned after seeing him out, Jensen looked at him bemusedly.

 

“Well that was relatively painfree.” he laughed “now can I have a shower?”

 

Jeff didn’t reply he just lifted Jensen up and flung him over his shoulder and with both of them giggling like a bunch of teenage girls carried him to the bathroom.

 

xxxxx

 

Jeff didn’t go to work for a week and they ate together, chatted, cuddled and shared mutual blow jobs and hand jobs but there was no anal sex for which Jensen couldn’t help but feel grateful.  

 

The more time he spent with Jeff the more he liked the man, he was warm and funny, attractive and kind and Jensen knew he was falling for him.  He suspected and second guessed that it was because he was at a low ebb and Jeff was the first person to show him any kindness in a long time.  So he schooled his feelings the best he could.  Jeff for his part expressed his feeling for Jensen with an openness that was at once both refreshing and slightly scary.  

 

“Mmmm” Jeff said as he nuzzled Jensen’s neck his body spooning Jensen’s from behind, his flesh warm against him.  Jensen thought he could get used to waking up this way, he had never slept in his own room, in fact he had started to think of Jeff’s room as theirs.

 

“I love waking up with you.” his hands were exploring Jensen’s body, soft, caring and sensual.  This was one of the things Jensen loved about Jeff, there was no demands just suggestions, and oh boy did his body respond to the suggestions. 

 

“Jeff.” he moaned as Jeff’s hands caressed the dimples at the top of his ass, God who knew that particular spot was so....erogenous.  

 

“Yeah baby.” Jeff grumbled in his ear, his breath warm and moist as he nipped Jensen’s lobe playfully setting a new set of sparks running down his spine.  Jensen was too overcome by pleasure to even be upset by the “baby” remark, his body responding as his brain shut off to all but Jeff’s hands and mouth and that sexy deep voice.  He was so overwhelmed by sensation that he barely noticed Jeff’s slick fingers as they teased then entered him.  Jensen was well aware of his prostate, thanks to Matt, but Jeff’s ministrations made the ‘forced pleasure’ of the academy recede into the distance replaced by flares of desire.  Jensen could hear whimpering but his body was so awash with need that it took him a while to realize that it was him making those wanton noises. Too turned on to feel ashamed he begged

 

“Please Jeff.” 

 

“What do you want baby.” God he wanted Jeff to fuck him but there was no way he was going to say that, and he was making a note to tell Jeff to stop calling him baby, once he could articulate speech once more.

 

“Fuck me.” he moaned before his brain caught up, Jeff chuckled in his ear, a dark, dirty sound as he maneuvered Jensen’s thigh into position and placed his cock at Jensen’s entrance.  Moaning like a whore Jensen wasn’t above begging,

 

“Please Jeff.”

 

and then Jeff started to push, the entrance was smooth, his cock well lubed, there was still the slight sting of penetration but Jeff had prepared him well and Jensen was so turned on, he wanted this.  Then they were fully connected and Jeff stilled, his arms tightening around Jensen, his lips on his neck.

 

“You’re everything to me.” Jeff murmured, it wasn’t quite an I love you, but it was something and Jensen could feel tears in his eyes as he turned his head awkwardly searching for Jeff’s lips, and then Jeff was kissing him, soul deep kisses that stole Jensen’s breath.  He wanted to say “I love you” but he was too scared so instead he kissed back with all his heart, trying to say with actions what he was too fearful to say with words.

Jeff started to move, his motions gentle and Jensen realized that they were making love in every sense of the word. As Jeff moved towards completion, his movements still gentle he reached forward and took Jensen’s cock in his hand and manipulated it in the same slow rhythm, the momentum was exquisite and Jensen felt the gush of warmth within him heralding Jeff’s ejaculation moments before he reached his own peak. They lay together basking in their afterglow, still connected both physically and now emotionally and Jensen couldn’t help but smile.  Later as Jensen drifted off to sleep his body heavy from the after effects of an incredible orgasm he could have sworn he heard Jeff whisper “I love you.” but then it may have been wishful thinking or possibly just an amazing dream.

 

The next morning when Jensen woke up with a now familiar twinge in his rear instead of feeling disgusted he felt the first tingles of arousal. The bed was already cold and the only hint that Jeff had ever been there next to him was the vague shape left in the sheets.  Frowning Jensen got up and grabbed his robe and made his way downstairs.  He could hear faint murmurings coming from the kitchen so he wandered in that direction until he could make out what was being said.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know he’s still really skittish. I don’t want to mention anything, it’s all going quite well.” then he heard Jeff laugh, a dirty gurgling laugh that in any other circumstances would have been contagious.  Jensen stopped, not sure whether to announce his presence.

 

“Hell yeah, he was a bit nervous to begin with but he’s starting to let go now.” another chuckle, Jensen felt a lurch in his stomach, Jeff was talking about him, and it didn’t seem complementary, in fact he was worried that Jeff was discussing their sex life to some stranger.

 

“Hmmm, I’m not sure about that.” Jeff continued and Jensen could hear that clink of crockery as Jeff moved around the kitchen ‘I just want him to settle in before I drop any of that on him, yeah I gotta go now, talk soon’ and then Jeff put the phone down.  Jensen skin crawled, who was Jeff talking to? it certainly seemed like an intimate conversation and that made Jensen’s heart ache.  Sad with the realization of how little he knew about his protector Jensen made his way into the kitchen and faked a yawn to hide his discomfort.

 

“Hey Jen, I was just making breakfast, I was gonna bring it up to you.” said Jeff as he made his way over and planted a warm kiss on Jensen’s cheek.  Jensen managed a small smile as he sat down at the table his mind in turmoil. 

 

When Jeff went back to work, Jensen spent some time pottering around the house, investigating and trying to find out as much about Jeff as he could.  It was during one of these excursions that Jensen found the photo album and he retired to a sunny window seat with his treasure.  Taking a deep breath he opened the book and found it to be a wedding album, there was Jeff with a beautiful girl, smiling and looking at her as if she hung the moon.  Jensen had never seen such a radiant expression on Jeff’s face before and it made his heart sink.  Flicking through page after page of Jeff smiling, his wife smiling and all the guests smiling was like a penance for his snooping.  Let that be a lesson he thought.  Where was the elusive Mrs Morgan though, had she left him? Had she run off with the milkman? Did he have her ferreted away in another luxury house? 

 

With his mind racing Jensen looked over the evidence.  Jeff was younger in the photos, his hair had less grey in it and the fashion was slightly off. Maybe about ten years old, Jensen thought.  But what really hurt was the expression on Jeff’s face, it was luminous, there was no other word for it. This lady had made him happy in ways Jensen was unable to.  Jeff looked at Jensen with affection and lust, but in no way did he look at him like this. Jensen knew then that he would have to protect his heart and he would have to find out where Mrs Morgan was.  Jensen wondered whether Jeff had taken him on purely as a baby factory, so that he and Mrs Morgan could have the family they always wanted. Maybe once he was knocked up Jeff would move Mrs Morgan back in and Jensen would have to move to the attic or something.  With his mind full of conspiracy theories he put the album back where he found it and went and made a sandwich for lunch.  Just as he sat down to eat the phone rang.

 

“Hello” Jensen said as he answered it.

 

“J it’s me” came an excited voice, it was Simon and Jensen felt a twinge of guilt. He hadn’t phoned him since he had arrived at Jeff’s although Jeff had said that it would be OK.  He had been so preoccupied by spending time with Jeff that Simon just hadn’t entered his mind.

 

“Hi Simon, how are you?”

 

“I’m great, fabulous even.” and Jensen felt himself relax for the first time in days, since he’d overheard that conversation actually.

 

“J I’m pregnant.” Jensen gasped, he knew of course that pregnancy had been the ultimate goal of any contract but still it seemed so... unexpected.  Simon seemed happy about it and that seemed odd too. But Jensen didn’t want to rain on his parade.

 

“Congratulations Simon, you sound really happy.”

 

“I am, Misha is so lovely, I’m so happy.” Jensen fell nothing but relief that his good friend had found his happily ever after. 

 

“How’re things going with you? Misha says Jeff is a good man and that he’ll treat you well.”

 

“He is very kind to me.” Jensen said diplomatically

 

“What’s wrong?” Simon knew him so well.

 

With a sigh Jensen told him about the overheard conversation and the wedding photos.

 

“Hmm” said Simon “I’m sure there’s a simple explanation, don’t worry about it J.”

 

Jensen decided that he would put his worries on the backburner and find out how life had been treating his friend.

 

“So when’s the baby due?”

 

“Babies.” giggled Simon, “I was getting worried because I wasn’t conceiving, it took nearly five months.” he huffed “Misha talked the doctor into giving me fertility drugs because I was getting so stressed about it.  The doc said I didn’t need them, I just needed to relax, but you try relaxing when you can’t do the one thing you’re supposed to, anyway now I’m expecting twins.” he said dreamily “just another few months and I can meet the little tikes.”

 

“You sound really happy.” Jensen said

 

“I am, everything is perfect, Misha, the house and now I’ll have a family.”

 

Jensen couldn’t help but feel happy for his friend but he had to admit it was tinged with just a little jealousy.

 

“Simon does Misha love you? Shit I’m sorry ignore that, it was rude, none of my business...”

 

Simon snorted down the phone “Slow down J, yes he loves me, he told me not long after I moved in.”

 

“And you believe him?” Jensen said and then bit his tongue “shit sorry, I’m insecure and I’m saying all the wrong things.’

 

“Don’t worry man, yeah I believe him, you should see his face, when he touches my stomach.  And even before that when I wasn’t getting pregnant he would tell me that it didn’t matter. That I wasn’t just some baby making machine. That it was me he loved.  So yeah I have no doubts.” Jensen could hear the smile in his voice and knew then that Simon was sure Misha loved him and it warmed his heart.

 

“Anyway J the reason I’m calling is Misha wants to invite you and Jeff over do you think he’ll be ok with that?”

 

Thinking back to their first day Jensen remembered Jeff saying that they would meet up with Misha and Simon, “Yeah I’m pretty sure he’d want to do that” and then they spent several minutes catching up before Simon had to go and rest, but before he hung up he said.

 

“Don’t worry about Jeff, we’ll get to the bottom of it, I promise.”

 

Jensen left the conversation feeling a lot happier than he had in days.

 

 

xx

 

When Jeff arrived home Jensen rushed to meet him, he was so excited about having spoken to Simon that he managed to put thoughts of the photo to one side.  Flinging his arms around Jeff he jumped up into his arms, winding his legs around the older mans waist.  

 

“Mmm I could get used to being welcomed home like this.” Jeff chuckled and placed an affectionate kiss on Jensen’s neck.

 

“Jeff Simon rang and Senator Collins has invited us around for lunch, can we go?”

 

“Slow down, when do they want us to come round?”

 

“Er. I’m not sure.” Jensen mumbled slightly embarrassed “I was just so excited to talk to him that I forgot to ask.” Jeff laughed,

 

“Well I’d better call Misha and find out then.” Jensen’s smile was beaming,

 

“Really?”

 

“I told you I couldn’t refuse you anything.” Jeff reached forward and tenderly kissed Jensen.

 

Jensen went to the kitchen to make some coffee while Jeff called the Senator and when he returned Jeff was still talking.  He smiled as he took the coffee from Jensen and pulled him down into his lap.  

 

“I’ve got to go Misha, I have a little minx on my lap that I need to give some attention to.” Jensen blushed, he didn’t want everyone knowing their private business.  Jeff smirked and hung up the phone.

 

“Tomorrow sweetheart, you’ll see your old friend tomorrow.” 

 

“Thank you Jeff.” Jensen responded and then set about showing Jeff just how grateful he was. 

 

Waking the following morning Jensen was beside himself with excitement, he was so looking forward to seeing Simon.  That boy had helped him keep his sanity throughout the years at the Academy, and their friendship was solid, only been torn apart by the circumstances of their status when Simon graduated from the Academy.  Jensen snuck out of bed and showered, his body aching slightly from the energetic sex he had had the previous day.  Jeff was still sleeping so Jensen went downstairs and put on the coffee and set about preparing breakfast.  Humming to himself he started making pancakes while the bacon was sizzling under the grill.  He then chopped some fresh fruit and fried the eggs, he could hear Jeff stirring so he started plating the food and shivered in surprise when Jeff nuzzled his neck.

 

“Didn’t hear you come in” Jensen said

 

“Mmm smells good, what are you cooking?” Jeff peered over Jensen’s shoulder “you’re spoiling me.”

 

“Sit yourself down.” ordered Jensen “Let’s have a good breakfast before we set out.”

 

“Good idea, it’s a bit of a drive to Misha’s, probably take us a couple of hours.”

 

Jensen put a plate in front of Jeff and they both tucked in.  Once they were finished and the dishwasher filled they set off in the car.  

 

“It’s such a nice day I thought I’d drive, and I love driving this car.” Jensen looked at Jeff, his hair was blowing in the breeze he looked so relaxed.  Jeff had chosen a convertible to drive, Jensen wasn’t sure what model it was, but it was shiny, red, and only had two seats.  Jensen felt a twinge of sadness as he wondered whether he would ever be allowed to drive, but chased away the thoughts as he wanted nothing to spoil his day.

 

They pulled up to a huge iron gate which opened automatically and they pulled through into what appeared to be the large grounds of a stately home.  Jensen couldn’t see the house yet but the driveway curved around and there it was in the distance.  It was incredibly imposing and looked like something out of a movie. 

 

“You OK Sweetheart?” Jeff asked, concerned, and reached over and took Jensen’s hand. 

 

Jensen just nodded, he was feeling slightly nervous and overwhelmed.  It had been quite a while since he’d seen Simon, and he had yet to meet Senator Collins.  Jeff’s hand warm and sure grounded him and he turned and smiled at his partner.  Although the man had secrets he had only ever treated Jensen with kindness.  As they pulled up to the house the door flew open and Simon tore down the steps and dragged Jensen out of the car and into a hug.

 

“J” he sighed “I’m so glad to see you.”  he pushed Jensen back and gave him an appraising look. “and you look good” he nodded “really good.”

 

“You do too, look at you.” Jensen reached out and touched Simon’s bump “Wow, I can’t believe it.”

 

“Me either.” giggled Simon, “it took so long to knock me up.” He turned and glared at the Senator who was walking down the steps at a much more sedate pace.

 

“It wasn’t through want of trying darling.” he said as he kissed Simon’s cheek, and Simon blushed.  Jensen could hardly believe it, after all the sexual training they’d had Simon still actually blushed.

 

“So Simon.” Said Jensen “How long until the little ones arrive?”

 

“Oh I know I look big but I’m only like a month gone, so quite a while yet.”

 

“We can’t wait” said Misha touching Simon’s stomach affectionately and looking into Simon’s eyes with open adoration. Jensen felt himself relax, Simon had obviously ended up with a good guy, and he certainly deserved that.  

 

Jeff curled his arm around Jensen possessively as he said to Misha and Simon

 

“Congratulations, you’ll make great parents.” Simon and Misha beamed and Misha said

 

“It’ll soon be you old man.”

 

“Oi less of the old.” Jeff batted his friend affectionately.

 

 

As the weather was so good they ate outside, Misha and Jeff were talking politics so Jensen tuned out and he and Simon, lay back in their recliners and chatted about babies and how they never thought they would end up like this, happy with their lot.  The sun was warm and as their conversation petered out Jensen felt his eyes closing and before he knew what was happening he drifted off to sleep.  He came awake to the gentle sounds of Misha and Jeff talking, they seemed to be discussing Carrier rights which Jensen knew was a contentious subject.  He could still remember the  Carrier riots of a few years ago, they had been pretty violent.  From what Jeff was saying there was some sort of underground movement to help carriers escape from violent relationships.  Jensen pretended he was still asleep as he didn’t want them to stop talking, he wanted to know as much as possible about this group.  

 

“We need to do more” Misha said, his voice ragged with frustration.

 

“I don’t know what else we can do, the group managed to infiltrate that awful place in Maine. That turned out to be just a slave mill masquerading as an academy, and we managed to save those Carriers and get them across the border to Canada”.

 

“We need to change the law, let’s face it Simon wouldn’t be with me if he’d been given the choice.”

 

“You don’t know that”

 

“Yes I do, I don’t even think he’s really gay, it’s just been indoctrinated into him.” Misha sighed “and Jensen wouldn’t be with you either, don’t delude yourself otherwise.  He had a boyfriend he loved and the fact is he was dragged away from him.  Well that boy is always going to be his first love, you aren’t going to be able to measure up to that.”

 

Jensen heard Jeff’s sharp inhalation of breath, and he wanted to rush over and tell him that he loved him.  For sure he loved Jared but things had changed and although he still felt sad about the ending of the relationship, he was happy with Jeff.

 

“I know you’re right” Jeff said, he sounded worn down “After Katie died I didn’t think I would ever feel like that about anyone ever again.  But then I saw his picture and he was so pretty and vulnerable that I had to meet him. Seeing him in that place, Misha, it was horrible, I would have done anything to get him out.  Getting to know him has been wonderful, it may have been his looks that drew me to him initially but it’s his personality, that’s made me fall for him.”

 

“I know how you feel” Misha sighed too.  Jensen’s heart was beating overtime, Jeff had fallen for him, and by the sound of it his wife was dead.  Jensen didn’t want to be happy about that but at least she wasn’t waiting in the wings to steal Jeff back. Jensen pretended to stir and the two older men stopped talking as Jensen opened his eyes

 

“Have a nice sleep sweetheart?”

 

“Mmmm, I feel so lazy.” Jensen said as he yawned and stretched, like a cat in the sunshine.  Jeff chuckled

 

“You’re so cute when your tired.”  Jensen threw him a hard glare, which just made Jeff laugh louder ad he got up from his seat and knelt next to Jensen.  Reaching out he caressed his carrier’s cheek then gently kissed him “there’s nothing wrong with looking cute.”

 

“There is if you’re a man...well half a man, I guess.”

 

“You’re all man sweetheart.” Jeff replied.

 

Jensen didn’t know how Jeff always said the right things but he did.  Reaching up he pulled Jeff in for another kiss, he felt closer to the man now he knew that Jeff wasn’t playing him, there wasn’t some wife waiting to take Jeff back and maybe any offspring they produced.  The kiss was warm and wet, lips softly parted, no tongue or demands, it was sweet and satisfying and only ended when Misha coughed theatrically. 

 

“Aww your just jealous.” said Jeff

 

“No need for me to be jealous, old man.” he replied as he looked with wonder at his sleeping partner. 

 

Later as the sun started to descend in the sky and the shadows grew longer Simon awoke and looked around with embarrassment.

 

“Ooops, can I blame the pregnancy for my rudeness?” he said

 

Chuckling Jensen reached cross to rub Simon’s belly, quietly amazed that there was life growing within. It was all well and good in theory, the lessons at the Academy, allegedly prepared them for this, but in reality it felt like a miracle.  

 

“Will you come and see me again J?” Simon asked and then looked at Misha guiltily “If that’s OK Mish.”

 

Misha got up and walked over, getting down on his haunches he whispered.

 

“Whatever you want Simon, you know that.” which caused Simon to blush prettily.  Jensen giggled and said “If the boss man allows it.: looking at Jeff cheekily.

 

“I sometimes wonder” Jeff said looking at Misha  exasperatedly “exactly who has the power in our relationships.”

 

“Well I’m pretty sure the government has got it wrong and the carriers are the ones in charge...at least in our cases.” snorted Misha as he planted a kiss on Simon’s cheek.  Simon and Jensen giggled and high fived each other as Jeff and Misha sighed exaggeratedly.

 

xxxx

 

Back home again Jeff and Jensen fell into a routine, a routine that involved lots of sex.  Jensen found he was getting used to waking up with an ache in his rear and instead of finding it unpleasant he realized it served as a reminder of their hot, steamy sex.  As he walked around the house each twinge would arouse him and he noticed the bemused expressions of some of the staff when they noticed the secret smile on his face.  The only blot on the horizon was that Jensen had been with Jeff almost three months and there was no sign of pregnancy and Jensen couldn’t help but worry about it, he didn’t know what would happen if they didn’t succeed.  His worst case scenario was that he would be taken away from Jeff and this thought started to niggle at him constantly.  He could understand now why Simon was so desperate to get pregnant.  In his desperation Jensen started to instigate sex at almost every turn, much to Jeff’s amusement.

 

“What have I done to deserve this.” Jeff rumbled as Jensen buried his face in Jeff’s crotch. “Come up here.”  he said breathlessly and then there was no talking just harsh gasps and sounds of pleasure filled the room.  

 

The doctor was due back the following day and Jensen felt sick with worry, literally.  He rushed to the bathroom and lost his lunch.  Groaning, he sat on the floor and let his head rest against the wall.  What was he going to do if they took him away from Jeff.  Jensen was considering asking Simon about the fertility drugs he had taken, he needed something concrete to hang onto.  

 

“Hey sweetheart are you alright in there, are you sick again?” 

 

“Yes” said Jensen miserably as he leaned over the toilet to vomit again.  Jeff came in and knelt down and gently rubbed Jensen’s back as Jensen groaned and leant back against him.  

 

“Jeff, I feel like crap, the stress of worrying about tomorrow is playing havoc with my digestive system.”

 

“hmm” Jeff said “are you sure it’s not because you’re pregnant?”

 

Jensen started and turned to look at Jeff “I can’t be, can I? Oh my God we need to do a test.”

 

“Well as luck would have it, I bought some tests before you moved in,” Jeff got up and retrieved one from the cabinet under the sink.  Jensen shooed him out of the bathroom and set about peeing on the stick and then he brushed his teeth.  Then came the agonizing three minute wait, Jensen left the stick in the bathroom and dragged himself out into the bedroom.

 

“Three minutes” he grunted and then fell face down on the bed dragging a pillow over his head, trying to quieten the turmoil inside.  

 

Jeff checked his watch and when three minutes were up went and retrieved the stick.

 

“Do you want to check it together?” he said as he caressed Jensen’s calf.

 

“No you look” came Jensen’s muffled voice.

 

“Congratulations mommy” Jeff said as he pulled the pillow off Jensen and turned him over and then hugged him tight.

 

Jensen couldn’t believe it, he was pregnant, he could stay with Jeff, no one would be able to take him away.  Of course then the panic set in, there was a life growing within him, someone who would be dependent on Jensen for everything, just as he was about to hyperventilate Jeff’s words filtered through.

 

“Oi I’m not a woman, you ass.” Jeff’s breath huffed in amusement against Jensen’s neck.

 

“I’m well aware of that” he said as he reached down and caressed Jensen’s cock.

 

“What are you doing?” Jensen asked breathlessly as he pulled his head away and looked into Jeff’s cocoa colored eyes “we don’t need to do that anymore” Jeff’s face was a picture, he looked crestfallen, but clearly didn’t want to push the issue.  

 

“Just kidding” Jensen said and climbed on top of his man and showed him just how pleased he was with the news. 

 

The next day the same doctor that had completed his initial exam arrived and confirmed the pregnancy.  He prescribed some prenatal vitamins and gave them a long list of do’s and don’ts.  Including, much to Jensen’s chagrin, an order that he was not allowed caffeine. 

Jeff laughed at Jensen’s pout and promised to buy the best decaf money could buy.

 

“It’s not the same thing” sulked Jensen

 

“It’s only for a few months, baby” that really didn’t help Jensen’s mood.

 

“A few months is like a lifetime”

 

“Are you going to ring Simon to tell him?”

 

“Nice distraction technique Mr Morgan” Jensen smiled at his partner.

 

“I am a bit of an expert” Jeff reached over and kissed Jensen, then swatted his ass “get on with you, phone your friend and run up my phone bill. Then you might want to call your Mom too.”

 

 

By the time Jensen was five months pregnant, Simon was eight months gone and huge. He was barely mobile and Misha took as much time off as he could to be with him. He spent a lot of time rubbing his feet to sooth his swollen ankles.  Simon’s usual good temper  was frayed and Jensen spent as much time with him as possible and when he couldn’t be there they spoke on the phone daily.  So when Simon rang early one morning Jensen wasn’t surprised as he picked up the phone.  

 

“J” Simon sobbed. “He’s been in an accident, they don’t know whether he will survive.”

 

“What? Simon are you alright?” fear prickling it’s way down Jensen’s spine

 

“Misha” he said brokenly “he’s in hospital, he worked most of the night and driving home early this morning, they say he lost control of the car.” he broke off, sobbing again.  

 

“What hospital is he in, are you there with him?”

 

“No, I’m not allowed out without a chaperone.” he gritted out

 

“Let me wake Jeff, we’ll pick you up and go to the hospital.”

 

Jensen sat in the back of the car with a sobbing Simon as Jeff drove grim faced towards St Mary’s hospital. 

 

“At least they took him to the best hospital.” Jeff said, his voice calm and reassuring, only his hands, tense and white knuckled belied his true mood.

 

“Will they let me see him, do you think?” asked Simon, as he rubbed his distended stomach.

 

“They will if I have anything to do with it” Jeff said as they pulled up outside the hospital.

 

Jeff helped Simon from the car and with Jensen taking the pregnant man's other arm they entered the hospital.  Jeff sat Simon down before he went to the reception desk, Jensen couldn’t make out what was being said, but Jeff’s body language showed he wasn’t happy. The receptionist left and brought back an officious looking man and the argument continued, voices were raised. Jeff took out his phone, made a call and handed it to the man, whose face went white before he nodded and handed the phone back.  Jeff turned and smiled at Jensen and Simon  waving them over and the man steered them to a private room.  

 

“You can go in” he said to Simon, his face puckered with disgust as he looked at Simon’s pregnant stomach.

 

Simon barely paid him any mind and pushed into the room, Jensen close on his heels.  Misha was in the bed, he looked battered and bruised,  there were monitors, wires and tubes everywhere, it was a scary sight.  

 

“Oh Misha” Simon cried as he made his way to his lover’s side, sitting himself down on the chair adjacent to the bed.  

 

“I’m going to find a doctor” Jeff whispered and left the room. Jensen pulled up a chair and sat next to his friend.  Simon was pale and when he reached his right hand out to touch Misha’s Jensen could see it tremble.  Jensen took his friends other hand, holding on to it in the hope of grounding his friend.  It was only a matter of minutes before Jeff returned with a doctor in tow, but it felt like hours. Sat in that small hospital room with the sounds of the equipment that was keeping Misha alive.  Simon went to rise when he saw the doctor enter the room but Jeff just put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

 

“You stay there, you shouldn’t be on your feet” then to the doctor he said “maybe we can get someone to take a look at Simon” Simon went to protest but Jeff said “When Misha comes round he’s going to want to know that you took care of yourself and his babies.”  Simon nodded a flush rising on his face.  “Now doctor what can you tell us about Misha’s injuries?”

“Well” said the doctor looking a little out of his depth “He’s suffered quite a lot of impact injuries, he has quite a few broken bones, but his most serious injury is to  his spine. The spinal cord has been injured quite severely” Simon gasped, he and everyone in the room knew what that meant.

 

“Will he walk again?” Simon asked and the doctor looked even more uncomfortable 

 

“No, his injury is at C4 level, and this is very serious, we’re hoping that he will be able to breathe unassisted, but he won’t walk, and likely won’t have any control of his upper limbs either.” Simon was sobbing hysterically and Jensen took him in his arms.

 

“But we’re having twins” he sobbed “he wants children, he wants to play with them and hold them..”

 

“We have a great rehab unit” said the doctor, more confident now he was talking about medical matters “they can help you learn how to look after him, and offer you assistance in finding carers”.

 

“This isn’t happening J, tell me I’m dreaming?”

 

“I’m so sorry Simon” Jensen pulled the distraught man into his arms again, offering physical support was all he could do.  Jensen looked at Jeff over Simon’s shoulder and saw his own horror reflected there.

 

A doctor came down from the maternity unit and gave Simon the once over, tutting at his elevated blood pressure.  Apart from that he was as healthy as could be expected considering the circumstances.  They stayed in the hospital for nearly eighteen hours before Jeff started to worry about Jensen’s wellbeing and so he booked a nearby hotel suite and forced Simon and Jensen to rest there before returning to the hospital. 

 

Misha was making some progress, so the doctors said. They thought that he would wake up shortly.  But the bad news was that all the tests confirmed the spinal cord injury and that Misha would be a tetraplegic.  Simon was completely overwrought and there was nothing Jeff or Jensen could do to help him beyond  keeping him company.  It was two days before Misha awoke and when he did Jeff could see the fear in his old friend’s eyes when he realized that he was paralyzed.  The doctors buzzed around the bed, checking and testing oblivious to the man whose life had been changed irrevocably lying there, or to his distraught partner.  Misha would have to stay in hospital for several months to make sure his injuries were healed. At least those that would heal.  Then there would be rehab, but in reality Misha would need to be looked after by a series of carers for the rest of his life. 

 

 

xxxx

 

“I need to make arrangements for Simon” Misha said one evening.  Jeff raised an eyebrow

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“They aren’t going to let him stay with me, I need to find him someone else, someone that will treat him well” Misha’s voice broke. “Failing that I need to get him across the border.”

 

“Hell Misha” Jeff said rubbing his stubbled jaw “Let me talk to my lawyers and see if there’s anything that can be done.  The last thing Simon needs is to be shipped off to someone else.”

 

“What?” came a shriek from the door “What are you talking about, no one is sending me anywhere.” Simon rushed to Misha’s side “You. Are. Not. Sending. Me. Away.” he repeated his eyes flinty as he stared at Misha.

 

“Simon, I may not have a choice once the Department of Reproductive Services find out about this they’re going to take you away.”

 

Simon paled “But I’m yours”

 

“Sit down Simon” said Jeff “No one is taking you away.” he glared at Misha “we need some specialized legal advice, you sit here with your man and I’ll go and see what the lawyers say.” Jeff got up and saw Jensen’s white face taking his partner by the hand he lead him from the room.

 

“Jensen, I know this is a horrendous situation, we’re just going to have to try and make it as comfortable as possible for Misha and Simon.  And that means making sure Simon stays with Misha.  They both need each other.  Come on I’m going to get some recommendations for lawyers.”

 

Jensen lay on the bed at the hotel listening to Jeff talking on the phone to the lawyer.  He couldn’t really tell how the conversation was going as Jeff’s tone of voice gave nothing away.  Finally he hung up and crawled onto the bed spooning Jensen from behind and caressing his swollen belly. Jeff’s lips kissed Jensen’s neck and then he murmured.

 

“Jim thinks there’s a way that Simon can stay with Misha.” and with that pronouncement all the tension that Jensen didn’t realize he was experiencing was released from his body.  Jensen squirmed in Jeff’s arms until he managed to turn over and look him in the eye.

 

“How? I don’t really understand carrier law yet.”

 

“Misha’s concern was that he wouldn’t be able to impregnate Simon and by law he has to be able to provide four offspring.  But we spoke with the doctors and they are able to use artificial insemination in Misha’s case so the Department can’t use that as an excuse.  Jim says the Department shouldn’t be able to take Simon away, Misha has more that enough money to take care of Simon and the babies, and if necessary we’ll go to court to prove it”

 

“Thank goodness for that, Simon would die if he was separated from Misha”

 

“Do you think he loves Misha?” asked Jeff, his face was neutral but Jensen felt like he could hear some hidden meaning in the question.

 

“Yes” Jensen answered unequivocally, looking at Jeff he could see the question in his eyes, “he loves Misha with all his heart” he looked up at Jeff shyly “much like I love you” Jensen could feel his heart beating rapidly, he was so worried that he had said the wrong thing, but Jeff pulled him close

 

“I love you too sweetheart.” and Jensen was embarrassed to feel tears falling down his cheeks.  

 

“Oh Jeff, don’t ever leave me, I couldn’t survive without you.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere Jen.”

 

Jeff’s lips found Jensen’s and the kiss that started warm and affectionate quickly became insistent and demanding.  They hadn’t been able to find time to be together following the accident, both too worried about their friends to try and snatch some time for each other.  Now they let their bodies do the talking, reacquainting themselves with soft touches, whispered endearments and finally their bodies came together in an explosive climax that was as much emotional as it was physical. After Jensen wept on Jeff’s chest as Jeff held him close vowing to never let him go.

 

The following morning when Jensen arrived at the hospital he was greeted by a nurse who hurried him along to the delivery room.  Simon had apparently gone into labour early that morning and had requested that Jensen be his birthing partner. As Misha was no longer able to.  The hospital had been about to call him when he arrived.  Jensen saw his friend laying there in the bed, his face was pale and sweaty, contorted in agony and he rushed to Simon’s side.  

 

“Can’t you give him anything for the pain?” Jensen asked the doctor.

 

“Of course” he replied imperiously “but the carrier is refusing pain medication”

 

“Simon” Jensen admonished “punishing yourself won’t help Misha or the babies.” Simon looked up sadly into Jensen’s eyes

 

“If I can’t stay with Misha I don’t care what happens  to me.” he said resignedly

 

“Simon, the lawyers agree that you should stay with Misha.” Jensen took his hand, it was cold and clammy “Please take the medication, we have two new little people to meet” he smiled at Simon, trying to reassure him “and I’m sure it will raise Misha’s spirits to meet his children too’’ Simon was crying but he nodded to the doctor who proceeded to give him an injection.  The result was almost instantaneous, Simon’s face relaxed and color started to return to it.  

 

“J” he sobbed, “it hurts so much”.

 

“The medicine will work soon” Jensen said soothingly.

 

“No” Simon cried ‘Misha’ he gasped as another contraction hit him “My poor Misha, I can’t bear to see him so sad, I love him so much” his grip on Jensen’s hand was like a vise “will he ever be happy again?”

 

“You make him happy Simon, you and the babies” with that Simon smiled and his eyes closed. Suddenly an alarm went off.

 

“Simon, Simon!”

 

“Get him out of here” said the doctor gesturing to Jensen, who was unceremoniously removed from the room.

 

“What’s going on?” Jensen begged the nurse

 

“He’s losing blood and the babies are in distress, let the doctor do his job, he’s the best there is” and with that she hurried Jensen out into the hall and sent him to the waiting room. 

 

Jensen sat in the waiting room, not knowing what to do with himself, should he call Jeff, or go and sit with Misha?  In the end he just sat there, he didn’t want to worry Jeff, he had taken enough time off work and he didn’t feel that he knew Misha well enough to spend time with him, and if he was honest he didn’t want to worry the man.  

 

Eventually a doctor arrived to let Jensen know that Simon wanted to see him, it felt like days later but it was probably only an hour.  Jensen could have hugged the doctor even though he was a grim faced man, relief coursed through Jensen’s veins.  Simon had survived.

 

“And the babies?” Jensen asked tentatively.

 

“They’re fine, no jaundice, breathing is good, he’s a very lucky young man, that friend of yours.” the doctor answered gruffly. 

 

“Can I see him?”

 

The doctor gestured for him to go on in.

 

“J” Simon wept “Look at what we did, look at what Misha and I did” he looked up at Jensen with eyes bright with tears.  He looked tired and pale but oh so happy, he had a baby in each arm, tiny pink bundles, both sleeping peacefully. “A boy and a girl” he smiled.

 

“Simon they’re beautiful” and Jensen couldn’t help but put a hand on his swollen abdomen.  

 

There was a noise at the door and a nurse bustled through pushing a wheelchair, she winked at Simon.

 

“Come on if we’re quick I can sneak you down to see your man before the doctor gets back” Simon beamed and let the nurse move take the babies and put them in the cot before moving him into the chair.  “J can you push the cot?” Jensen nodded as he ran his finger over the silky skin of one of the babies, it was hard to believe that one day soon he would have one of his own. 

 

When they arrived at Misha’s room Jensen left them to it and went to call Jeff.

 

“Jeff, I think I’m ready to come home now” he said, he felt emotionally drained and he knew he would be there whenever Simon needed him, but at this precise moment in time, he needed Jeff like he needed air.

 

“I’ll be right there sweetheart” he rumbled in that sexy voice that always had Jensen’s heart racing.  With a smile Jensen went to wait in the reception area.

 

xxxxxx

 

Jeff took some more time off work, in fact he confided in Jensen that he was considering retiring.  He had Jensen at home and soon there would be children. He had enough money and being with Jensen was far more rewarding than working himself into an early grave.

 

“I can’t think of anything better” he murmured his voice deep and his breath warm against Jensen’s neck as he spooned him from behind “than staying home with my sexy boy” Jensen giggled but was strangely comforted by the thought of Jeff being home with him. 

 

Misha was back home now and despite his paralysis was enjoying fatherhood. Simon had confided that he loved having Misha there full time, although obviously he would have preferred it under different circumstances.  

 

“I’d love to have you home all the time too” Jensen admitted and Jeff manhandled him over onto his back then looked into his eyes intently.

 

“Do you mean that?” 

 

“Of course, I love you, I want you here with me always” Jensen said his hand going to his swollen stomach, he was now nearly eight months gone. 

 

“I want that too” Jeff said and kissed Jensen with one of his all consuming kisses.

 

Jeff’s placed his hand on top of Jensen’s and smirked as the baby kicked.

 

“Do we have a little footballer on our hands?”

 

“Hmm” murmured Jensen his eyes closing “Some days it feels like it.”

 

Jeff moved his head down and kissed Jensen’s stomach, ‘“can’t wait to meet our little man”.

 

“How do you know he’s gonna be a boy?” Jeff turned and looked into Jensen’s eyes.

 

“Even you said he” he placed another kiss on his stomach “Kicks like a boy, any preference on names?”

 

“Nope, just want him or her to be healthy”Jensen sighed “it’s nice to have some time to ourselves, but I still worry about Simon and Misha.” 

 

“Me too.” Jeff said as he rested his ear against Jensen’s abdomen “But they’re getting on well, Misha...well he’s amazing.  How he copes I don’t know, they’re both the strongest people I know.”

 

“They’re stronger together, and the babies” Jensen smiled, “they’re so beautiful”

 

“Not as beautiful as this little one is going to be”

 

“You’re such a proud papa”

 

“yes I am” Crowed Jeff.

 

And with the comforting warmth of Jeff’s head on his stomach Jensen drifted into sleep.

 

 

Time passed quickly once Jeff was a stay at home ‘husband’ and Jensen found that he was the happiest he’d been since school.  Jeff was so attentive and loving, and although Jensen’s body had changed so much, Jeff still seemed to find him attractive.  In fact Jeff couldn’t seem to get enough of him Jensen smiled when he remembered how just that morning Jeff had played his body like a harp, wringing new and interesting sounds from him.  His rotund stomach meant they had to get inventive and that was half the fun, Jensen hadn’t realized he could get his legs in that position. He was aching a little but it was such a good ache.  The baby was due any day and Jensen couldn’t wait. They were putting the finishing touches on the nursery although Jensen had demanded that the baby should stay in with his parents for at least the first couple of months.  

 

Jeff was out picking up the new nursery linen that Jensen had seen online and so Jensen thought he would have a lazy afternoon watching a little TV so with a bowl of ice cream in hand he lowered himself awkwardly onto the couch and turned the TV on scrolling through the channels.  He was flicking through the news channels when he thought he saw Jared. It felt like his heart  stopped so flicked back until he found the correct show.  It was some celebrity news feature and there as large as life was his Jared, older now obviously, but still Jared.  He looked good, beautiful, tall and built, on his arm was a tiny brunette and she was wearing a wedding dress.  Jensen felt the unaccustomed pull of jealousy, although he knew he had no right.  

 

“Today” said the big haired presenter “Jared Padelecki, top human rights attorney, married his childhood sweetheart.” 

 

“Oh.” thought Jensen, “I’m his childhood sweetheart” he watched the program although it was like a knife to his heart.

 

“Genevieve Cortese, a defense attorney and daughter of the influential CEO of Cortese Industries.” the presenter continued  “The service was a who’s who of the rich and famous” the presenter, smiled to show off her hollywood sparkly teeth, as a montage of the wedding played in the background.  Jared was smiling so wide and open, his hand was protectively on the small of his wife’s back. Jensen could remember when that smile was for him, he could remember when Jared held him in that possessive way.  It was like watching a car crash and Jensen couldn’t look away.  He was sobbing openly when Jeff got home. 

 

“Sweetheart what’s the matter” Jeff cried as he pulled Jensen to him “is it the baby?”

 

Jensen just shook his head and pointed at the TV

 

“Who’s that?...Oh, is that him?” he caressed Jensen’s face “Is that your boyfriend?” and Jensen nodded. “Oh Sweetheart”.

 

“I know I have no right, and that it was a long time ago, but ..” Jensen’s lip quivered “I don’t know? it just hurts.”

 

“I know, darling, shush, you just mourn the loss, it’ll be OK.”  and although Jensen felt like crap, seeing Jared and dredging up all those old feelings, he knew it would be OK, because he had Jeff now, and Jeff loved him.

 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on with me, I love you, it was just a shock.”

 

“It’s OK” smiled Jeff “I love you too, shall we turn this off now?” Jensen nodded “Come and see what I bought for the baby.”  And that sounded like the best idea ever, but he couldn’t deny that his heart was aching for a love long lost.

 

 

xxxxx

 

With Jeff finally at home full time Jensen enjoyed the few short weeks until the baby was due. Jeff was attentive and loving and Jensen felt like his whole body and mind relaxed and he was finally able to let go of the past, it helped that he was getting more and more excited about the impending birth.  The baby was a little hellion and it wasn’t even born yet, but Jensen felt as if he was bruised on the inside with the way the baby kicked and moved.  Jeff spent ages caressing Jensen’s stomach chuckling as an errant foot would distend it in new and interesting ways. 

 

“I can’t wait to meet this little man.” he murmured bending to place a gentle kiss onto Jensen’s stomach. 

 

“What makes you think it’s a boy?”

 

“Look at the way he kicks.”Jeff said incredulously “of course he’s a boy.”

 

Two short days later Jeff and Jensen welcomed their beautiful daughter into the world, Jensen smiled smugly.

 

“I knew it wasn’t a boy.” Jeff looked at him affectionately.

 

“Yeah, yeah, she’s beautiful.” he whispered as he kissed Jensen’s forehead “Just like you.”

 

Tired but happy Jensen pulled Jeff onto his single hospital bed and fell asleep to the gentle sound of the two most important people in his life breathing.

 

Taking little Millie home was at once both the best and most surreal thing that had ever happened to Jensen. Jeff was incredibly attentive but as the first short weeks passed he became increasingly distracted, spending a lot of time on the phone to Misha.  Jensen tried not to let it worry him after all he had Millie to look after and she was a little bundle of joy.  Jensen could spend hours just watching her sleep or cuddling her or just smelling her.  She smelt so sweet and the little snuffling noises she made were beyond cute.  Millie was such a well behaved baby, content too, sleeping through the night barely four weeks after her birth.  Jensen put Mille down to sleep and went in search of his errant protector.  He could hear him on the phone again, to Misha he expected.  

 

“Are you sure?” Jeff sounded concerned so instead of making his presence known Jensen lurked just outside the door.  He didn’t feel any guilt about it, Jeff was keeping secrets and that didn’t sit well with Jensen.

 

“That’s awful, we need to make sure you have full security, they could try again.” Jeff sounded panicked now and Jensen could feel his heart tripping over itself.  To him it sounded as if Misha was in danger.

 

“What makes you think that?” Jeff continued “Are you sure? Damn! No don’t you worry about me I’ll get some security here too, I’m not taking any chances with Jensen and the baby.”

 

Jensen leant against the wall his breathing ragged, why would Jeff be in danger, what was going on.  Without considering things further Jensen pushed his way into the room and Jeff hung up the phone casting a glance at Jensen and blushing guiltily,  

 

“I need to know what’s going on and I need to know now.” Jensen said without any preamble.

 

“It’s safer if you don’t.” Jeff started but shut up when Jensen stormed across the room his face like thunder.

 

“That’s not what it sounded like when you were on the phone Jeff.” he all but shouted “it sounded like Millie and I were already in danger, now I don’t care what you think I want to know what’s going on and I’m pretty sure I deserve to know.  So start talking.” Jensen looked Jeff in the eye, he wasn’t backing down on this one.  Jeff held eye contact for as long as he could but then sighed 

 

“OK, you’d better sit down.”

 

Jeff was fidgeting and just watching him ramped Jensen’s tension level to unbearable. 

 

“Well...”  Jeff stood up and poured himself a scotch, Jensen knew this was a delaying tactic but he bit his tongue and waited. Jeff poured a second glass and  handed it to Jensen. Jensen took a sip and shuddered, this was his first taste of hard alcohol and he didn’t like it, not one bit.  

 

Jeff sighed “There’s no easy way to say this,” he looked up into Jensen’s eyes, “Misha and I are part of the underground, we help bearers out of bad contracts and help close down abusive academies.” 

 

Jensen sort of knew that already and he bit his tongue again. He wanted to say that all the academies were abusive.  The whole bearer system was slavery by a prettier name. Jensen kept quiet hoping Jeff would continue.

 

“Misha has evidence that his crash was caused by the government.”

 

“What?”  That couldn’t be, the US government wouldn’t purposefully maim a man, try to kill a man, would it?

 

“Yeah” Jeff said as he rubbed his stubbled jaw “compelling evidence proves it, and if Misha is in danger then there’s a possibility so am I.”

 

“What can we do?” Jensen asked, panicked.

 

“Well I’ve upped the security but the only real way to protect ourselves is to bring the abuses out into the public domain.” Jeff rubbed his chin again, Jensen couldn’t help but  notice that his man looked tired. “Sorry to land you with this.”

 

“So” Jensen started “You’re against the bearer laws.” Jeff nodded, blushing.

 

“I already know where you’re going with this, you want to know why I contracted you.”

 

Jensen nodded

 

“I saw you and I wanted you, it’s as simple as that.  First of all my conscience wouldn’t let me make an offer, but the more I thought about it.  Well I didn’t want any one else to put their hands on you.  I had the money, and I knew I would treat you well.  It’s a poor excuse.” Jeff looked defeated.

 

“I’m glad you took me, I can’t imagine being anywhere else, we have a beautiful daughter.  It just seems...well hypocritical.” Jensen looked down “I suppose It doesn’t matter though in the grand scheme of things, but I’m worried for Millie and what about Simon and the twins?”

 

Jeff took him in his arms, “We’ll be OK sweetheart and so will Simon.  Things are going to be different, I promise.”

 

And surprisingly they were.

 

Jensen didn’t know how Jeff did it, but footage was released from some of the academies.  It was horrific viewing.  The government distanced themselves from it.  Denying all knowledge of wrong doings.  But then they had to be seen to be doing something about it and so laws were proposed to protect carriers and things seemed to be getting better.  Not perfect but definitely better.  Carriers still didn’t have a choice of providers but the providers were more carefully vetted. And many academies were closed, leaving their horrible secrets behind in the disused classrooms and bathrooms.  

 

It was an exciting time of change and the only fly in the ointment was that Jeff had fallen ill.  Firstly they thought it was a virus.  He was weak and tired and just not his normal energetic self. Jensen felt he was being torn in two.  A rambunctious toddler to look after and an increasingly unwell husband.  

 

“You’re not getting any better” Jensen sighed as he gave Jeff some more painkillers. “It’s time to go back to the doctors”

 

It was a testament to how ill Jeff felt that he didn’t even disagree.

 

xxxxxxxx

 

The MRI scanner bumped and whined. Jeff lay as still as possible fighting the cloying claustrophobia that was trying to take over.  The contrast that was being pumped into his arm added another layer of discomfort.  The chill that ran down his veins and onward into his organs made Jeff shiver and although he was laying down he felt distinctly lightheaded. 

 

“Breathe in and hold “ came the disembodied voice, at least Jeff could concentrate on obeying and not on what the scan might show. 

 

Jeff was so glad when it was all over and he was rolled out of the machine. He sincerely hoped he would never have to go through that again.  It was a bit too much like how he imagined being cremated would be like.

 

Jeff’s eyes darted around the MRI suite until they fell on his beautiful husband. Jensen smiled at him and rushed over to help the nurses undo the straps holding him in place.

 

“I’m glad that’s over with” Jeff huffed and then smiled as Jensen dropped a sweet, wet kiss on his lips.

 

“Now we just have to wait for the results” Jensen said and although his voice was upbeat his eyes belied his fear.

 

The doctor had put a rush on the results as not only was Jeff a rich and important man, he had also been deteriorating rapidly.  So when Jeff and Jensen were called into the Doctor’s room they went with trepidation and a feeling of impending doom. Unfortunately they were not disappointed. 

 

The doctor looked at Jeff over his slim reading glasses.  His face looked kindly. Jensen was sure if you met him under any other circumstances they could become friends. But he looked at the two of them with sadness in his eyes and Jensen knew the news was not going to be good. 

 

“I’m not going to beat about the bush” he started and Jensen grabbed Jeff’s hand as he watched his husband pale. “You have cancer” Jensen couldn’t help the gasp that escaped his lips “It’s in your pancreas and spread to your liver and other internal organs.” he stopped and looked down at his hands. 

 

“So Doc is there anything we can do?” Jeff said his voice was calm belying the tightening grip on Jensen’s hand.

 

The doctor shook his head “We can try some chemo, it’ll give you a bit more time and relieve some of your symptoms but it has side effects, I’m sure you’re aware.  Or we can just offer palliative care, manage your pain and try and give you as much quality of life as possible.  The decision is yours”.

 

“How long do I have” Jeff asked as he turned to look at Jensen.  He was sitting there quietly taking it all in, his face pale and his eyes brimming. Jeff squeezed his hand reassuringly 

 

“I don’t like to give timescales but if you pushed me I would say six months” Jensen sobbed and Jeff pulled him into his arms.  Where had it all gone wrong, he had finally met the man of his dreams. Okay the circumstances weren’t the best but they had made it work.  Now they were a family and everything should be perfect. 

 

“I don’t want chemo” Jeff said decisively, he looked at Jensen “I want to enjoy my last few months with my husband and daughter. 

 

“Jeff don’t you want to talk about this, discuss it further with the doctor?” Jensen gestured towards the consultant. But Jeff shook his head. 

 

“I know it’s scary but I want to enjoy my last few months.  I don’t want to be sick as a dog or bed bound. I want to be happy and make you happy, I want to love you Jensen. Can’t you understand that? Jensen’s eyes already so full of tears, overflowed but he nodded mutely. He didn’t know how he could survive without Jeff, he was his life. Looking after Jeff was the most important thing now, and Jensen was determined to be the man for the job.

 

 

At home Jeff set about putting his affairs in order.  He couldn’t leave his fortune to Jensen, the laws weren’t so progressive.  He could leave it in trust for Millie but he needed someone to take Jensen on and that was going to be a problem.  Not only because he had a feeling Jensen wasn’t going to like the idea, but who could he choose.  He wanted someone that he knew Jensen would get on with, he wanted someone that Jensen could love.  He wasn’t a selfish man and he wanted Jensen to live a long and happy life after he had died.  The answer to his prayers came in the most unlikeliest of ways. 

 

“Top news today” the anchorman intoned “The marriage of Genevieve and Jared Padalecki is over.  The marriage which is lasted little more than a year ended today when Jared Padalecki applied to the courts for a divorce citing irreconcilable differences.  Rumors have linked Genevieve to Ian Sommerhalder a partner in her legal firm.” Jeff looked at the TV as the anchorman’s voice faded into the background.  Here was Jensen’s childhood sweetheart back on the market again. Now he just had to persuade both men that it was the right thing to do.  

 

Jeff wasn’t feeling too bad, he certainly didn’t feel like a dying man.  The doctor had given him some good drugs, but even when he was in terrible pain he couldn’t feel his encroaching death.  But he knew it was coming and that time was of the essence.  He had his security team track down Jared’s telephone number and address and on reflection decided this was the sort of thing that needed to be discussed in person.  So using the guise of going to a meeting Jeff left the house and made his way to Jared’s apartment. 

 

Jared had moved from the marital home and now resided in a beautifully renovated apartment building.  Jeff looked at the pleasing architecture admiring the original features, from the wooden paneling to the ancient brass doored elevator.  Although the apartment was in an affluent area it didn’t have a doorman so Jeff let himself in and made his way to the top fourth floor.  He checked the door numbers as he wandered down the corridor until he reached 415 then suddenly he felt tired.  All the adreneline that had been keeping him going fled leaving him drained and shaky.  Before he could change his mind he knocked at the door and heart thumping listened as movement beyond heralded his meeting with Jared.  

 

The clunk of the lock and the turning of the handle seemed to move in slow motion. Then the door was open and Jeff was looking at the man who had stolen Jensen’s heart. Jared looked tired and run down.  His hair was unkempt and his skin had that grayish tinge that came from staying inside too long. He looked at Jeff with confusion.  

 

“Can I help you?” he said raising an eyebrow.

 

“Yes you can.” Jeff looked around,the corridor was empty but still “I really don’t want to discuss this out here, I don’t suppose I could come in for five minutes?” 

 

Jared looked Jeff up and down and clearly decided that he was no threat as he pulled the door further open and nodded for him to come in. 

 

The apartment beyond the door was vast and empty, apart from a couch and an assortment of boxes. Jared looked at it and frowned as he rubbed his stubbled chin.

 

“Sorry about the mess, I’m still unpacking” as he gestured to the couch.

 

Jeff made his way and sat down on one end as Jared took the other. Now that he was here he didn’t know where to begin. 

 

Taking  a deep breath he started. 

 

“Jared” Jared flinched and opened his mouth to speak but Jeff waved his hand and continued “we have a friend in common.  Jensen.” Jeff watched as the realisation swept over Jared’s face. “Yeah I’m his provider.” looking down at the naked wooden floor Jeff said “Look I’m not proud of the way our relationship started but I love him and I want what’s best for him” Jared looked confused.

 

“I don’t understand, why are you here? Are you just trying to rub my nose in it, we loved each other you know” honesty glowed on Jared’s face along with another emotion which Jeff thought might be guilt. 

 

“It’s complicated but.” Jeff wrung his hands and he searched for the words and then they just seemed to fall out of his mouth in a stream of consciousness. “I love Jensen and if there was any other way I wouldn’t be here. But here’s the thing.” Jeff took a deep breath. He had to convince this young man, Jensen’s happiness depended on it, here goes nothing he thought  “I’m dying.” he watched as Jared flinched “Jensen needs a new provider, I don’t want him going back to the state.  He knows you, he loved you, probably still loves you.  I want you to take him on.” Jeff met Jared’s eyes registering the shock on his face. 

 

“You want me to take him on?” Jared repeated as if trying to get his head around the request. “Like a puppy..” he tailed off

 

“If I can’t find someone that I trust or that Jensen trusts he will go back to the state and they will farm him out to whoever’s got the biggest wallet. I don’t want that, and I don’t think you do either.”

 

“and what does Jensen think about all this?" Jared asked. Jeff had been dreading this question.

 

“I may not have discussed it with him yet.” he admitted shamefacedly “I know, I know I should have.  But we’re just coming to terms with my diagnosis and things have been a little fraught. Our daughter is coming up for a year old and I want to hold out for that.” Jeff looked at Jared sadly “Please say yes, he’s going to need you and I think you need him too.” Jeff cast his eye around the empty apartment.

 

“I don’t think he’ll want to see me, I promised that I would find him and provide for him and that we would always be together.  I let him down," tears welled in Jared’s eyes and he stood up and walked to the window.  “But you’re right though I do need him.  I’ve always needed him. I suspect that’s why Gen was never truly happy with me, because I didn’t commit fully.  I couldn’t.” he turned and looked back at Jeff. “You’ve met Jensen” he said with a smile “you can understand why I couldn’t completely let him go.” And the thing was Jeff could understand.

 

“Come to dinner tomorrow night, I’ll tell Jensen when we get home.  Then I’ll need to sort out the will.  I’ll put my company in trust to my daughter but the house will be yours and Jensen’s.  Make him happy Jared he’s had a really awful time of it and now just when things have settled this had to happen.”

 

Jeff got up and walked to the door, feeling both exhausted and exhilarated.  This was going to work.

 

“7 O’clock tomorrow, I’ll send a car.”

 

Jared nodded as Jeff let himself out. 

 

One down, Jeff thought as he drove back home.  How he was going to break this to Jensen though, he had no idea.  

 

The past few weeks had be hard on his husband. Jensen had gone out of his way to be cheerful.  They had spent as much time together as possible.  They had squeezed in as many family outings as Jeff’s health could stand and on bad days they had curled up under a blanket on the couch and watched Disney movies til Millie fell asleep. Then  later when it was just the two of them they had watched action movies then made love. It was almost idyllic, if only they didn’t have the black cloud of Jeff’s impending death hanging over their heads.  

 

Jeff spent a lot of time looking at Jensen and wondering how he got so lucky,  It could have all been so different. After all Jensen was bought and paid for. Jensen could have just fulfilled his duty with no emotional attachment.  Luckily for Jeff they had fallen in love and he couldn’t imagine life without him. Jeff felt a twinge in his heart that had nothing to do with his illness and everything to do with leaving this wonderful man behind. He hoped with all his soul that Jared would look after him, care for him and love him once Jeff couldn’t anymore. Sighing Jeff made his way to the kitchen. It was time to have that talk with Jensen.  He wasn’t looking forward to it but it had to be done and sooner rather than later. After all Jared was coming over for dinner tomorrow.

 

Jeff could hear giggling getting closer.  Millie stumbled into the family room.  Her gait was awkward, her chubby little legs barely keeping her standing.  She had learned to walk at ten months and both daddies were exceptionally proud. 

 

“Come to daddy” Jeff said and held his arms out as she toddled towards him, swaying like a drunken sailor as Jensen walked behind ready to catch her if she fell.

 

“You’re such a clever girl” Jeff said as he swept her up into his arms. A giggling, wriggling bundle of wonder. 

 

“What did I do to get so lucky” he said and pulled Jensen into the hug too. Jensen looked at Jeff tears in his eyes, but they still shone with love.

 

“I’m the one who got lucky” he said kissing Jeff on the cheek.  How could he lose this. He needed Jeff more than air. He touched Jeff’s face running his fingers over his skin, memorising every last bit. 

 

“Sit down baby” Jeff said and Jensen noticed how serious his husband was. Since the diagnosis Jeff had been upbeat taking every opportunity to enjoy his life with a smile on his face so this was unusual.  With his heart taking up residence somewhere around his throat Jensen sat down. 

 

“We have a guest coming for dinner tonight”.

 

“Okay” Jensen said tentatively.

 

“Look Jen” Jeff sat down and took his hand “When I go you need someone to take on your contract or else the government will just sell you on to the highest bidder and the fact that you’ve proven your fertility will just make you all the more desirable.”

 

Jensen could feel the blood run from his face, he knew it was true but he had tried to put it out of his mind. 

 

“I’ve invited someone that I think would be a good match to take over”, Jensen stiffened and was about to complain but he saw the sadness in Jeff’s eyes and realised the sacrifice his husband was making. “Just give him a chance, I want you and Millie to be happy.” So Jensen just nodded numbly.

 

 

Jensen’s stomach churned as he made dinner.  The smell of the lamb roasting made him want to throw up. His mouth felt overly wet, like his saliva glands were working overtime.  He just knew he wouldn’t be eating anything tonight even though the potatoes were roasted to perfection. Golden and crunchy on the outside and you just knew they would be soft and fluffy on the inside. It all looked perfect but Jensen felt like he was auditioning.  Did he have to make himself pretty? He almost snorted but then a horrific thought crossed his mind.  He would have to have sex with this man. Jensen barely made it to the bathroom before he lost what little food he had eaten that day.  

 

By the time the bell rang that evening heralding the arrival of their guest Jensen had worked himself into a quiet panic. Outwardly he seemed his calm self, smiling at the right moments, chatting to Jeff and tending to Millie as appropriate.  But below the surface he was paddling like mad, just trying to keep an even keel. Jensen let Jeff answer the door and waited at the end of the hall for the first glimpse of the man who would end up having so much control over him.  Jensen couldn’t catch his breath, he panted shallowly hoping that he was getting enough oxygen so he wouldn’t faint.  Then he saw him and suddenly he couldn’t breath at all. Stars appeared in front of his eyes and the world faded to black.

 

Consciousness came slowly, like trudging through water. Jensen didn’t want to wake, he wanted to stay in that safe, warm place. A place where Jeff wasn’t dying and where Jared hadn’t just arrived at his home. A place where Jared wasn’t here to take ownership of him. Jeff’s voice permeated the fog, calling him back to full consciousness.

 

“Jen, baby are you okay?” So Jensen opened his eyes and looked at his husband. His deep brown eyes full of concern. He was cradling his head with his arm “you took quite a bump there” he continued as he helped Jensen into a sitting position. Jensen could see Jared standing awkwardly at his feet.  He was pale and looked tired and worried, but when he saw Jensen sit up, he smiled warm and wide and the years fell away from him.

 

“Hey Jen, Surprise!”

 

“Yeah” Jensen conceded as Jeff helped him up “you could say that”. Jensen didn’t mean to and he didn’t know where the bitterness was coming from, but he spat the words out and then turned his hateful gaze to Jeff “what were you thinking? Him!" he gestured “How could you think this was alright?” Shaking his head Jensen made his way to the kitchen.  His head was spinning and not just from the knock it had just taken.  Really what was Jeff thinking.  Jared of all people.  Did he not know their history. How Jared had abandoned him and married someone else. For fucks sake the man was married. What did he want a carrier for. Unless that wife of his was infertile and they just wanted to keep Jensen in the attic and bring him out for Jared to impregnate once a year. 

 

“Baby are you alright” he felt Jeff at his shoulder and knew he was breathing too fast. He would faint again at this rate. 

 

“No I’m not alright. What the fuck Jeff.” Jensen gestured at Jared but he couldn’t find the words.  There were no words to express how he felt about this betrayal. 

 

“Let’s just go and sit down and talk” Jeff said his voice gentle, cajoling even. Jensen wasn’t  sitting down talking to anyone, his fury was building to it’s zenith. But before he could put voice to it Jeff took his arm “I know you’re pissed off, baby, but hear me out.” Jensen looked at his husband, he looked tired today.  Jensen knew his time was short and he really didn’t want his last memories of their time together to be ones of anger and recriminations. So he took Jeff’s arm and walked into the front room trying to damp down the fury festering there.  He would go along with Jeff’s plan if he couldn’t talk him out of it and then he would let his fury out onto the man who wholly deserved it. The thought almost made Jensen smile.

 

Jeff pulled Jensen down onto the couch next to him. Jeff’s arms were warm around him and Jensen snuggled into him. He couldn’t stay angry at Jeff, moments like this reinforced his love for the man.  He looked up at Jared and watched him flinch as Jeff pulled him close. 

 

“Jensen” Jeff said “I was a coward because I didn’t know how to start this conversation. But we both know that when I die” Jensen’s heart stuttered he couldn’t bear the thought of life without Jeff “when I die, someone needs to take on your contract.  I know that you and Jared had a relationship and now that he’s single it just seemed like opportunity had knocked” Jeff smiled and Jensen couldn’t help but notice that he seemed pleased with himself. Jensen glowered at him, then some of the words Jeff had just said  hit him like a Mack truck. Jared was single.  

 

“Well it would have been nice if you asked my thoughts on the matter.  I mean you’ve always told me that I’m not your property, that I mean more to you than that. And now, now” he gestured at Jared “you’re passing me off to him and I’m supposed to be happy about it?”

 

“Not happy sweetheart, but maybe it’s better the devil you know” Jeff looked tired and pale and suddenly Jensen felt tired too.  Better to go with the flow he thought and just nodded then turned to Jared and nodded too.

 

“I want my contract written so that he can’t order me around.” he muttered.

 

“You know we can’t do that” Jeff said quietly “you have to fulfill the rest of the contract you have with me.  But be assured that if he mistreats you I will find a way to come back and haunt him”

 

Jensen felt sick to his stomach.  His contract with Jeff meant three more children, that meant he would have to have sex with Jared.  There was a time when that would have been all Jensen wanted but now all he could think about was broken promises. Looking at his husband he nodded again resignation in his eyes. He would make Jeff’s last days happy and then proceed to make Jared’s life hell. 

 

“I love you” he whispered but noticed Jared flinch again.  He was stood in the corner looking uncomfortable.  

 

“I guess you’d better sit down then” Jensen said his eyes barely grazing over his recalcitrant ex-boyfriend.

 

 

After that Jensen didn’t see Jared for a couple of weeks. It was bliss. He spent all his time with Jeff and Millie and Jeff seemed healthy, healthier than he had been in weeks.  He had enough energy to go for walks in the grounds, picnics and outings.  Of course their halcyon days had a time limit and the night that Jeff awoke sweating and screaming with agony heralded the ending of them.  Jensen gave him morphine and mopped his brow all the while whispering how much he loved him.  

The progress of Jeff’s disease seemed to quicken from there on in.  They hired a nurse, Jensen fought that, he wanted to look after Jeff himself but Jeff won and in the end it was for the best.  Sarah a plump older woman was a lifesaver allowing Jensen time to spend with Millie and taking some of the burden from his shoulders. Jensen knew Jeff’s time was short but when Sarah sat him down and explained how Jeff would have less and less times of coherency and eventually he would just slip away, Jensen wept for the first time since the diagnosis. Sarah pulled him into a hug, squashing him against her ample bosom. Soothing him with kind words.  

 

That evening before Millie went to bed she climbed on Jeff’s bed and kissed him hugging him gently.  Jensen put her to bed then took her place on the bed, hugging Jeff feeling his breathing slowing and knowing that it wouldn’t be long now.  Jensen couldn’t help but think about all he was losing, how Jeff had become his world. How would he live without him? He had given Jensen back his life after the government had cruelly taken it from him.  Soon he would have to live under Jared’s protection and that was not something he was looking forward to. He felt Jeff shudder and gripped him tighter.  Jeff’s breathing became stuttered and irregular and Jensen kissed his husband’s cheek.  Jeff had not been coherent for a few days but he opened his eyes almost as if he were sleeping beauty and on seeing Jensen he smiled. A smile that chased away the pallor and lines of illness and made him look like the man that Jensen had fallen in love with.  

 

“Hey” he said, his voice rusty with disuse.

 

“Hey yourself” Jensen smiled and kissed him again. 

 

“It’s time” Jeff said and there were tears in his eyes. Jensen nodded unable to talk as his tears choked his throat. Jeff closed his eyes and his breathing slowed then with one big gasp he was still. His body was warm, and he looked the same but he was gone and Jensen sobbed until Jeff’s body cooled and the cold light of morning crept across the room. 

 

Things moved at breakneck speed once the doctor had pronounced Jeff dead. A lawyer and a representative from the government were at the house within an hour. The contract that Jeff had made with Jared was deemed to be lawful and Jared was called to the house to take over as Jensen’s provider. Jensen was in a state. He could hardly breathe let alone function. Millie clung to her daddy not really sure what was going on but Jensen couldn’t bring himself to engage with his little girl.  He just wanted to climb back in bed with his husband. They wouldn’t let him though every time he tried the nurse and doctor led him back to his seat. So he sat there with a little girl clinging to him like a limpet.  

 

When Jared arrived he surveyed the scene. The undertakers were removing the body and Jensen was sat watching, tears rolling down his face. Millie was crying too, aware of her daddy’s distress.  Jared came over and held his hands out to Millie she looked him over and seemed to decide that this giant was no threat and reached for him.  Jared lifted her into his arms and took her to her room sitting on the floor with her he picked up a doll.

 

“What’s her name?” he asked,

 

“Dolly” Millie said offering Jared a big, toothy smile which tugged at his heart.

 

“Millie your daddy isn’t feeling very well, do you think you could play here with Dolly for  a little while so I can go and look after him?” Millie picked up a boy doll and nodded. Jared went back to the main bedroom. Jensen was still in the same place.  The bed was now empty. Jensen stared at the indentation where his husband had once slept. Sarah patted Jensen on the shoulder.

 

“I’ll look after Millie for a bit” she said kindly as she left.

 

Jared sat down next to Jensen and reached and took his hand.  Jensen knew he should pull away. He seemed to remember that he was angry with Jared but he couldn’t bring the emotions to the surface. So he let Jared pull him into a hug. His body was compliant and his mind was somewhere else, somewhere warm and sunny, Jeff was holding him, hugging him hard. Jensen didn’t understand why he was crying. Jeff was his life and he was cuddling him against that broad chest any moment now it would rumble as Jeff chuckled into Jensen’s hair. But Jensen was crying and Jeff smelt all wrong. Although the chest was broad it wasn’t Jeff’s.  This chest was too muscly. He wriggled trying to get away. But those arms the size of large branches held him tight until he gave up squirming and collapsed within them sobbing until he could sob no more.

 

The days after Jeff’s death passed in a blur. There was a funeral of course.  Simon and Misha were there and Simon held Jensen as he cried some more. Jared was there always in the background, lurking behind Jensen’s shoulder. He was unobtrusive, he didn’t try to enter Jensen’s room and made no sexual overtures.  Which was just as well for him Jensen thought in one of his more coherent moments. Had he tried Jensen would have killed him with his bare hands.  

 

Jensen did notice that Jared was good with Millie. She had taken to him and called him Unca Jar, which almost brought a smile to Jensen’s face. 

 

Jensen tried hard to get back to normal but everything reminded him of Jeff, he slept in their bed.  He had refused to change the sheets but Sarah had changed them one day when he was out with Millie.  Jensen missed the smell of his husband, the touch of his hands and the sound of his voice.  The emptiness he left behind was palpable but he had promised Jeff that he would carry on.  And he was more than aware that Jared had three months to impregnate him or else the contract would be broken. It didn’t look like Jared was going to come to him so he had to go to Jared. The thought both sickened him and aroused him.  Jared was still attractive, he didn’t smile as much as he once had, but then neither did Jensen. He didn’t want to be unfaithful to Jeff and no matter how he thought of it,  it felt like infidelity.

 

After supper Jensen went to the bathroom and used the enema, something he hadn’t done for quite sometime.  The fullness the water caused and the memories of the academy turned his stomach but he persevered until he knew he was squeaky clean. He then snuck to the kitchen and downed half a bottle of wine.  As he wasn’t much of a drinker that was enough to take the hard edges off. With renewed bravery he made his way to Jared’s room, a room that until recently had been a guest room.

 

Standing outside he took several deep breaths, his heart pounding hard and his hands were sweaty as he opened the door without knocking.  

 

Jared was in bed, he was wearing glasses and he had a book in hand. When Jensen had known him he hadn’t needed reading glasses. They made him look hot Jensen thought, then immediately tamped down that thought.

 

“Jen” Jared said, confused. He put down his book and took off his glasses.

 

Jensen didn’t say anything he just removed his pajama top and then trousers and walked to the bed. Jared lifted the cover to allow Jensen access and he climbed in.  Jared was naked beneath the sheets, his skin warm and soft. Jensen moved against him, the alcohol in his system giving him just enough dutch courage to do this. To get this over and done with. Jared reached out then pulled his hand back, there was confusion in his eyes. Jensen didn’t want to talk, he felt that might spoil this. So he grabbed Jared’s hand and put it on his ass smiling as Jared gasped. It felt good to be in control like this.  He hoped that Jared would get him pregnant tonight so he wouldn’t have to repeat this fiasco.  

 

Then Jared’s hands were everywhere, awakening feelings that had been long buried. His body was afire with sensation as Jared pushed into him. Jared’s hand grasped his cock and moments later they both came. It was over in minutes but Jensen was exhausted as if he had run a marathon. He wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in Jared’s arms but he didn’t want to set a precedent so he climbed from the warm bed and grabbed his pajamas. 

 

“Stay” Jared said his hand reaching for Jensen. Shaking his head Jensen left the room leaning back on the other side of the door. He stood there allowing his breathing to return to normal, feeling the trickle of Jared’s sperm between his ass cheeks. What had he done? Having sex with Jared should have felt like the ultimate betrayal of Jeff but it hadn’t. It had felt like coming home. So when Jensen wept, standing there naked against the bedroom door, he wept for lost love. For his first love, lost so young then rediscovered and given a second chance by his selfless husband.  

 

In the morning Jensen visited Jeff’s grave. He crept out of the house early before Jared awoke. He and Millie picked wild flowers and decorated his grave. Then as the sun rose in the sky and Millie played in the distance Jensen spoke to his husband.

 

“I didn’t understand what you were doing, but I do now. I’m so sorry for not trusting you on this matter. I love you and I always will” wiping a tear he gathered up his daughter and went home. 

 

Things were strained around the house. Although Jensen knew he still wanted Jared and it was more than obvious that Jared wanted him he didn’t want to make the first move again.  He also didn’t want Jared to make the first move. It was a conundrum. His feelings for Jared were unresolved.  There was still a lot of anger. His moods varied between wanting to kiss the life out of Jared and wanting to beat the crap out of him.  Normally the violent option won out.  Jared should never have given up on him.  That was the beginning and end of it. Jensen was devastated by how easy it seemed that Jared had let him go.  

 

Jared for his part tip toed around the house spending far more time with with Millie than with Jensen. When Jensen met his eye Jared would look away quickly seeming guilty. 

 

A month passed and then two.  That one time that Jensen had seduced Jared hadn’t resulted in a pregnancy. Time was drawing short. They needed to fuck regularly until he was pregnant or he would be taken away from Jared.  They needed to fuck and talk. But fucking was more important than the latter. 

 

Jensen moved into Jared’s bedroom that night. Jared smiled wide and open but Jensen couldn’t bring himself to be happy about this.

 

“You’d better hope you get me pregnant and fast or I’m going to be taken from you” Jensen said as he straddled Jared and bit his neck. Hard.

 

“You’d better be ready for my big cock” 

 

“You call that big” Jensen said as he moved his teeth to Jared’s ear and bit again.

 

“Ow! that hurt fucker” Jared said as he grabbed Jensen’s ass. That was going to leave hand-shaped bruises” Jensen smiled, a cold cruel smile against Jared’s neck as he grabbed Jared’s nipple and twisted it. Jared shrieked, the sound girly in the quiet bedroom.  

 

Jared’s hand fumbled on the bedside table grabbing the lube and flipping the top. One-handed he managed to squirt some and smear it on his cock. Then grabbing Jensen he pulled him down onto his cock. Jensen was tight and hot. The lack of preparation meant his channel squeezed and massaged Jared’s cock until Jensen relaxed enough to allow movement. Jensen bounced up and down with fervor, riding Jared’s cock like it was a prize stallion. Sweat ran down his back and his breathing was ragged. He looked down at Jared lying there, his eyes were hooded with arousal. His neck and nipple were red with abuse. Jensen kept moving although his thighs were screaming at him to stop. He kept moving until he felt his orgasm building. Then like an H bomb exploding, his climax hit and almost immediately he felt Jared come too, pulsing within him. Exhausted he fell onto Jared feeling his softening cock slip from his channel.

 

“Well if that doesn’t get you pregnant then I don’t know what will” Jared said and Jensen could hear the satisfaction in his voice. He wanted to tell him to fuck off, he wanted to tell him that he had broken his heart and taken the last bit of hope from him. Left him alone in that place with pain and suffering. But he didn’t.

 

“So do you think you can get it up again?”

 

He felt the rumble of a laugh in Jared’s chest just before he was flipped onto his back and truly ravished again. 

 

 

When Jeff died Jensen truly believed his life was over, but against all odds he began to live again. Sex with Jared was different, it was hot and passionate even though he still felt pangs of guilt on occasion.  

 

What was even more strange was how well Jared fitted into their lives. Millie loved him with the innocence of a toddler. They became almost like a family and then suddenly they were a family Jensen realized as he sat on the bathroom floor losing his breakfast. Jared was trying to look concerned but he was looking  a little too self-satisfied for Jensen’s liking.

 

The day was hot and Jensen felt tired, grumpy and sticky.  None of which improved his mood which had been getting progressively worse as the day wore on. There was nowhere in the house that he could gain any respite. The large windows let in the sun, over warming the rooms. In the end he escaped to his bedroom leaving Millie with Sarah.  After Jeff had died Sarah had remained and now was more of a nanny/companion than a nurse.  But Jensen figured it would always be handy to have some medical help on hand. Just-in-case.  Pulling the curtains against the strength of the sun Jensen stripped naked and lay on top of his bed, his legs apart, so that no part of his body touched another. Jeff had never installed air-conditioning and now that was top of Jensen’s wishlist. 

 

Jensen had felt out of sorts all day.  It wasn’t the pregnancy that was still in it’s early stages. It was Jared. He was acting as if they had never been apart. All “remember this” and “remember that” Jensen wanted to scream how he could remember when Jared promised him that he would come for him.  That he would never forget him. That there would be no one else and then he had taken up with that woman. Jensen was simmering and he knew it was only a matter of time before he boiled over. 

 

Jared was humming as he came into the bedroom. Fucking humming.

 

“Hey baby” he said as he flopped down on the bed. 

 

“Did I say you could call me baby”  Jensen spat out from between his clenched teeth “and have you ever heard of knocking?’

 

“Whoa I feel some aggression - is that good for the baby” Jared said placatingly grabbing Jensen’s hand and caressing it with his thumb. Jensen yanked his hand away sitting up abruptly

 

“What exactly do you think this is Jared?  Happy families? My husband passed me on to you like a used car. Now I know why he did it but that doesn’t make me feel any better. You, walking around as if you never betrayed me, as if you didn’t up and marry someone else after all your promises. Leaving me in that place.” Jensen angrily swiped a tear from under his eye. “ Let me tell you that however bad you think the academies are they are worse. Far, far worse.” Jared tried to speak, his face was white but Jensen silenced him with a glare and continued. “Now I lucked out with Jeff but when I think of how it could have been it makes me cold.” Jensen straddled Jared and pushed him down onto the bed “You let me down you bastard” he said and then attacked Jared’s mouth.

 

The kiss was more punishment than erotic. Buttons were pulled off and clothes were ripped as clothing was removed. When they were both naked Jensen felt Jared hone in on his asshole. Angrily he squirmed away and reached for the lube and once his finger was coated he thrust it with no fanfare into Jared’s virgin hole. 

 

“Hey, wait a minute” Jared squealed as he tried to inch away. Jensen held him steady and continued his onslaught.

 

“You owe me” he hissed and bit down on the tendon in Jared’s neck. Jared moaned and relaxed and Jensen’s finger slipped in up to the third knuckle. Jared was tight, Jensen would bet his life no one else had ever done this to him. Well Jensen was going to do it and more and Jared was going to damn well beg for it. 

 

Removing his finger he lubed up again and returned with two. Jared gasped at the initial entry but was soon moaning and writhing when Jensen found his prostate. Jensen smiled as he lined up his cock and slowly pushed in.  He had never thought he would experience this, it seemed so unlikely, but now, oh God now. It was perfect, the vice like grip of Jared’s passage was so hot. Massaging every micrometer of Jensen’s dick. Conscious thought was hazy but he experimented with thrust until he heard Jared gasp and he knew he had hit the prostate. Taking it slowly so that he could savor every moment he plunged into his lover again and again. With each entry he felt his anger recede, it wasn’t totally gone but the sharp edges of it had been smoothed. Maybe one day he could forgive Jared properly, but for now he wanted to fuck the hatred from his body. 

 

Jared was moaning and squirming below him.  His body that was covered in a sheen of sweat was so different from the teenage body he remembered. Jared was tall and built. He clearly took time to mold his body into a pleasing form. And it pleased Jensen greatly. He could feel his orgasm building from the tips of his toes to the hair follicles on his head. He crushed his mouth to Jared’s and let go with a grunt. Jared answered with a sound that was so close to a whine that it made Jensen smile against his mouth. Then Jensen could feel warm wet release against his stomach. 

 

“So” Jared said when he caught his breath “do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Eventually” Jensen said and snuggled into Jared’s arms.

 

Fin


End file.
